After that little incident Dan finally started to take me seriously when I told him I felt like I was losing it. I had my postpartum follow-up appointment with my doctor pretty soon after that, and she put me on Zoloft and sleeping pills and told Dan to take over all the night feedings (which he was pretty much doing anyway).
After about 2 weeks on Zoloft I finally started feeling normal again. I took it for about 4 months and then stopped (this was before the doctor wanted me to stop). I had a little trouble when I stopped taking it, but nowhere near as bad as at first... I just started feeling tired all the time, and a little weepier than normal at sad commercials and things like that. A few weeks later I felt fine again without any medication.
I got really depressed again when Pat was 8 months old, but I think that was more because Dan lost his job and we had to move. We had to live with his father for a month and a half and I cried myself to sleep every night. But because that stopped as soon as we finally moved into our new house, I don't think that was a recurrence of the PPD.
The one thing that still bothers me is sometimes I still feel like I haven't bonded with Pat as much as I should have, and I think it's mostly because of the PPD. I don't know if that's like a lingering symptom or something, but sometimes I just don't feel very connected to him, at least not as much as his father obviously is.
Sometimes I feel like I'm just going through the motions with him. I mean, I think he's the cutest, smartest little boy I've ever seen in my life, and I love him a lot, but sometimes I don't feel like he's *mine* (if that makes sense).
And now that I'm pregnant again, I'm really scared about trying to breastfeed again, because I'm afraid that's what triggered the PPD with Pat, and I'm afraid if I can't nurse again I'll get depressed again. I really don't want to go through that again!
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