A birthing wave was coming on right after this so I quickly got out of bed so I could stand through it. I really dislike the idea of being in bed while in labor for some reason, so I avoid laying down at all costs.
Once that birthing wave was over, I remember standing there feeling really conflicted over whether I wanted to get into the birthing pool. My biggest fear was if I got into it and didn't like it. I'd have to get out and I'd bet wet and cold. I didn't want to deal with that while having a birthing wave. I eventually decided to give it a try so I told Geremy to watch the door because I was doing to change into my black tank top and sports bra.
Once I was changed I placed my foot into the pool, I really liked the feel of the water and temperature so I got in and kneeled down. I wasn't quite sure at first what position to get into but I always pictured myself leaning on the side as I kneeled so that's what I did. I believe it was Cathy who laid down a hand towel so that I could have my arms against that instead of the plastic covering.
I labored in this position for a short time before it dawned on me that if I went down too far my ipod, which was being held between my shoulder and bra strap would get wet so I needed to be careful. I asked in a half serious half joking way, "Can you get electrocuted by an ipod?" but before anyone could respond another birthing wave swept over me so I put my head down and concentrated on relaxing my body. As I did this my headphones suddenly went silent and I realized I had sunk too deep into the water and fried my ipod.
I sat up and pulled it out to look at it, turning it off and on, flipping the lock switch back and forth as I desperately tried to get it turned on. No luck. It was completely dead and there was no turning it on again.
Geremy started asking me questions. I can't remember all of them but basically where could he find the Hypnobabies tracks, where were the CD's, what could he do to help? I started to panic because the lack of noise in my ears had flipped me out of my hypnosis and I froze. I found comfort in listening to Kerry's voice. It kept me in my bubble and it kept everyone out but now I was open. I was exposed and I wasn't sure if I could get myself back to where I was on my own.
As Geremy was asking questions another very strong birthing wave began to sweep over me, it hurt, a lot which made me want to panic even more. I threw my ipod onto the floor as others were asking me questions. I think it was Brandi who realized now was not the time to talk. Geremy left the room to see if he could load the Hypnobabies onto his ipod.
Meanwhile I tried to keep myself calm. I remember voicing, "I feel like I'm going to freak out!" I started to breath heavy and really felt out of control, another birthing wave swept over me but his time my body started to push down.
During all of this Brandi calmly said to me, "It's okay, Julia. You're okay."
And for some reason that's all I needed to hear. "You're right," I thought. "I am okay. I can do this."
After that last birthing wave, the pressure sensation in my hips and pelvic floor area never fully went away. "I don't know if I need to push or not," I said.
I believe someone said this to Cathy because soon after she was sitting or kneeling to the left of me. I never looked up at least consciously but I knew it was her. I found such comfort in this and I was able to get myself to calm down.
I put myself back into hypnosis as best as I could, quietly, slowly, chanting during birthing waves, "Deeper, deeper, deeper. Let him come, let him come, let him come. Only pressure, only pressure, only pressure." As I did this I could feel the immense pressure that the birthing waves brought on but not the sharp pain that often accompanies the powerful pushing contractions. I was doing it!
"Okay now I'm not so afraid," I remember thinking. "This is going to be okay. I remember going through the chanting waves twice before I couldn't stand to be in the position I was in. It felt like it was time to push. The pressure was becoming quite intense and I felt more in control of my body when standing, so I stood up.