Ideas to regain that 'spark' as you try to conceive
by Melissa D Jaramillo
That desire to have a baby can -- at times -- become almost an obsession. Unless you are a part of the 'just let it happen' crowd the daily temping, examination of cervical mucus, charting how you feel and where you are within your monthly cycle all can take a toll on your sex life. The 'spontaneity' may become more scripted. 'Intimate moments' can be viewed as a chore. The focus on 'pleasure' can instead be centered on positioning and how many minutes to 'prop' before moving. Can you relate? If so, then it is time to reevaluate and work to rekindle that spark in your journey to conceive!
Break out of routines
Let's face it. Many of us get settled into a pattern within our relationship… whether it has to do with who cooks dinner or who initiates sexual encounters. Ditto with the 'when' and 'where'. Take a look to evaluate your habits as a couple. Look for ways to shake things up a bit!
Suggestions: Do you most often wait until you are ready to sleep, in the bedroom, lights out? Greet your partner at the door, sunlight pouring in (granted only if you aren't going to be spied on by the neighbors!), and begin foreplay in the living room! Another idea? Set your alarm to wake up early and enjoy a steamy shower together!
Hone in on intimacy
Heat things up by centering attention on intimate actions vs. solely 'getting it on'. Turn down the focus on the act of sex and develop a pure session of unforgettable lovemaking!
Suggestions: Intimacy can begin long before you plan (or can!) be together sexually! Some may find not having to do a specific chore, such as loading the dishwasher or taking out the trash frees them up to relax – thus enabling them to become more open to intimacy. In a crowd (or surrounded by kids)? Make the most of handholding and 'knowing' looks across the room. Turn what would otherwise be viewed as foreplay into a focal point – massages… soft kisses… tender touches…
Create a partner challenge!
It's GAME ON! Dare your partner to join you in getting creative! Take turns surprising one another in a way that will be pleasing to you both. (Re)discover your sexuality is much more than some rote action in bed!
Suggestions: Leave a voicemail that will leave him craving you a-l-l day! Fulfill his (or your!) fantasy with a costume leaving little to the imagination. Add a sexual twist to that board game – paying "rent" in Monopoly may also include an article of clothing! Plan a romantic scavenger hunt across the city, ending with finding a key and a map on where to find you in a local hotel. (Check out Priceline for super deals to make this possible!)
Don't forget what sparked that initial attraction and why you embarked on this journey to parenthood in the first place! Your desire to be forever united in the utmost symbol of your love for one another – a child! Good luck!
What have you done to keep the magic and excitement heightened as you try to conceive?