Dad's Role in Breastfeeding: How to Help Mom
by Tom Johnston
Welcome back. This is the second part of a two part series on the role of the father in breastfeeding.
In the first article we explored each team member's role in the breastfeeding relationship. We talked about Mom's job, which is to put the baby to the breast, to offer the breast, and love the baby. We talked about the Baby's job, which is to put the breast in his mouth, suck and swallow until satisfied, and love mommy and daddy. We talked about Dad's job which is to take over the job of the lactation consultant when the family goes home.
The father is the one who will be available to answer questions at 3 AM. The father is the one that mom trusts, she listens to her partner much better than she listens to her lactation consultant. Many mothers struggle with confidence when breastfeeding, they doubt the baby's desire to breastfeed, they doubt their families support for breastfeeding, and most of all they doubt themselves and their abilities breastfeed.
A new mother struggles with confidence almost every day and her shaky confidence is easily destroyed by a doubting father. When you say something foolish, like "I don't know honey, maybe we need to give him a bottle," you have just damaged your family's chances at breastfeeding success.
So, if you've come this far, your still with me and it's time to learn how to breastfeed. I break it down into three simple steps.
- When does the baby need to eat?
- How does the baby eat?
- When is the baby done eating?
It really is that simple, so let's dive in.
When does the Baby need to eat?
The first thing you have to understand is that in all my years working with families, I've never met a baby that read the rule book before birth. Contrary to what most baby books will tell you, a baby does not eat for 10 minutes on each breast every 2-3 hours. What nonsense! Babies are not born with watches, and even if you give him one, he can't read it anyway.
When a baby has stress (hunger, cold, wet or dirty diapers, pain, or loneliness) he will show you some very predictable signs. He'll curl up his hands and feet and bring them to the center. He'll bend at the knees and cross his feet or put his heels together (that's called centering behavior). He'll start to turn his head and may suck on his hands. Eventually he'll start to fuss and finally cry.
All of these are stress signs. Sometimes he'll be hungry, sometimes lonely; but when he does those things he is asking for you to pick him up and tend to his needs. Since you won't know what he wants by looking at him, I always recommend you start in the kitchen (AKA -- the breast). If he's hungry, he'll take the breast when you offer it.
But never insist that a baby "has to be hungry" just because it's been a while since he's had the breast, and the opposite is true as well. Likewise, don't automatically assume he can't be hungry just because he only ate an hour ago.
Babies are unpredictable, but when you offer the breast, he'll eat if he's hungry. As a general rule, newborns eat 8-12 times a day, usually in clustered groups of 3-4 times in a four hour period, they then take a 3-4 hour nap and start over again. Don't count on it, but know that while no two babies eat on the same schedule. One thing is for certain, in all my years I've never seen a baby actually eat for 10 minutes on each breast every 2-3 hours.
How does the baby eat?
This is a tough one; every baby is different, just like every person is different. But there are a few simple principles that you can follow. When baby is ready to eat and he's in the kitchen, he will stretch out his hands, move the breast to where he wants it, open his mouth VERY wide, and take the breast deep into his mouth.
He'll latch on well, he'll suckle in bursts of rapid sucks followed by a short pause, you may hear a soft quiet swallowing sound, and then he'll do it again. Sometimes he'll appear to be sleeping, as he lies peacefully on the breast while holding the breast in his mouth.
