This is technically very true. My wife was carrying a child, my wife had morning sickness, my wife was sore and had trouble sleeping and it was her body that was being warped and rearranged to house a human being, not my own. I will not now, nor ever, argue that point, a father is not technically pregnant.
Even with this said I refuse to stop saying "we" when speaking of our pregnancy. Physically, my wife is doing the heavy lifting, but for nine months I, and every other father, am going through my own insane changes. Since there is no word for the emotional distress that occurs during this time, I choose to call it pregnancy. I am there every step of the way for my wife, helping her deal with the new changes but there are new things happening to me too.
Ladies, don't for one second think that nothing changes for us. It's not as if my wife now has to deal with being pregnant but for me it's business as usual because it's not. When we became pregnant, I changed as a person. It was a process that I went through along with my wife. My guy friends that I have spoken to about this say the same thing, we were definitely pregnant.
Here are the things that happened to me during the nine months we were pregnant:
1) I became irrationally territorial. I hated everyone that got within six feet of my wife. I spent most of my day watching to make sure that no one bumped into her, or attacked her with large knives or hit her with a truck. I would go insane every time someone wanted to touch her belly to see if the baby would kick. Everything and everyone was a threat to my wife and baby and I was the only one who could protect them.
2) I was struck down by insomnia. I would wake up every hour or so every night convinced that either my wife or the baby or both had died. I still remember waking up and putting my hand under my wife's nose to see if she was still breathing. The stress of it all made me stay awake at night and yet I had boundless amounts of energy. I was superhero-like in my ability to wake bright eyed and bushy-tailed at any point of the day or night. An ability that I had never had before and have never regained since.
3) My personality changed almost completely in certain areas. Only the people who knew me very well before my eldest daughter was born will be able to attest to this, but I became much more assertive and less compromising in the way I was treated. I used to take a back seat to other people or let people take advantage of my loyalty and willingness to please. I would work extra hours for free, I would take on extra tasks to make other peoples lives easier. In those nine months I could no longer allow those things to happen. I started demanding the respect I had worked hard to earn, I stopped letting people take advantage of me and I became a man. It was nice. I also became calmer and developed a better sense of what was important and what could be put aside for another time. I stopped worrying about everything and learned to better prioritize.
These may not seem like major changes when compared to the trauma that a pregnancy can cause to a woman's body, and indeed in that comparison they are not, but they are major changes in a man and are not ones that occur easily. It's when we are pregnant that these things happen to us.
You see that? THAT'S a man!
I stayed awake at night doing the budget, trying to figure out how I was going to make enough money to support a child. I could sell a kidney, I supposed. Maybe it's time to sell the DVD's…Maybe I'll get a second job.
I needn't have worried too much though, because although children can be very expensive, babies are not.
Stop yelling at me through the screen, I can't hear you and before you write angry comments in my comments section, hear me out.
The first step to having a non-expensive baby is to have a baby shower. This, if you don't already know, is the most boring event in the history of events. It combines the awesome activities of sitting quietly in an uncomfortable chair with looking at things that are soft and pink but are not body parts of beautiful dancing women and as a bonus, you get to do it for 4 hours. Yay…
It is terrible, but you need to do it. It's the key to a great first year of parenthood.