by Alana Morales
One of the things you will quickly learn about being a stay-at-home-mom is that it can sometimes be difficult to shift gears from Mommy to Hot Mama. When it's 9 p.m. and your husband is giving you that look, it can be a challenge to look at your husband with little more than indifference.
After a day of being pulled on, screamed at, wiped on and stressed out, intimacy is probably the furthest thing from your mind. And while your hubby should definitely cut you some emotional slack, he also needs to up the ante of romance.
It's amazing what a few candles, a back rub and some whispered sweet nothings can do to help you switch gears from functional to fun. And for your part, while you should never feel forced to do something you truly are not up for, if you let yourself relax and wrap your mind around feeling sexy and wanted, you'll end the evening wondering why you two don't do this more often.
One perk to being a SAHM? You don't have to worry about getting up for work or commuting in rush hour traffic, which is stress relieving enough to increase the romance factor significantly.
Ways to Make Intimacy Easier Once You Are a SAHM
You may discover that despite being constantly exhausted by the kids, keeping the romance alive is something that may actually get easier when you begin staying at home. Subtracting worrying about bosses, coworkers, deadlines and other work related junk frees up a lot of time to think about other things. And even if money is tight, intimacy, and namely sex, is still free and reaps better dividends than any corporate merger. Your romantic relationship with your husband grows stronger and though it may sound crazy, after a late night with the hubby, getting up with the kids is WAY easier than getting up to go face a job. SAHM could stand for Sexy At Home Mom, you know. Here's a few ways to make that S in SAHM stand for Sexy:
Schedule a regular date night with your husband
Yes, the whole idea of 'Date Night' is terribly cliché, but after being around the kids all day, it will be even more imperative for you and your husband to reconnect. It's important to remember why you fell in love in the first place. Even if you just do something low cost, like a bottle of wine after the kids are tucked in, or free, like swapping back rubs while you reminisce about your dating days, couple time is crucial time. It strengthens your relationship, which in turn strengthens the family.
Make sure you get some time to yourself each night to help you transition from Mom to Wife
When you were working, you had your commute to decompress and prepare for your evening time with your family. With that time now gone, you need to make sure you find it other ways. When the kids go to bed, ask your husband to wait a few minutes to make his move and take those extra minutes for yourself, even if it's only 15 minutes to read a book. This is especially helpful if you have clingy kids. When you have kids clinging to you all day, then your husband wants to cling to you, it can lead to frustration instead of friskiness. Explain to your husband you need a few minutes alone so you don't feel like a piece of mommy cling wrap, then spend those minutes doing some deep breathing, relaxing and reconnecting with your sexy side.
Surprise your husband every now and then
If he is used to seeing you in t-shirts and sweats every day, mix it up a bit. Throw on a v-neck sweater and some perfume. If you feel more desirable wearing make up, get up early enough to put some on before he leaves in the morning or put it on before he gets home at night. Sexy is a state of mind and it is amazing what little effort it takes to get you there. While you don't have to put on a show for him nightly, breaking out of the norm can make things more interesting for both of you.
Don't just talk about the kids and the house
After a tough day at work, your hubby might not want a run down about the fights or the washing machine that's on the fritz. When you were working, your conversations were probably more balanced between work and family issues. Make more of an effort to keep in touch with things going on in the real world. Watch the evening news once in a while, stop by CNN.com for a few minutes each day, or scan the headlines of the newspaper during naptime. Stay informed, stay opinionated and be able to hold your own in an adult conversation. Being able to talk about something other than the kids will increase your confidence and make it easier to get in the mood, more than if you just yammer on about the latest kid and house drama.
Keep him up to date about day to day goings on, but unless it's earth shattering (someone took their first steps, lost a tooth, won a soccer game) or expensive (time for a new washer/dryer/car), give him the Cliff Notes version and then talk about the world and each other.
Alana Morales has been published in numerous places, both online and off. She received a Bachelors degree in Psychology from Arizona State University and went on to teach English for six years before staying home with her kids. She began her writing career with a parenting humor column, which she still writes to this day. Ms. Morales is also the host of the online radio show Mom Writer's Talk Radio and runs a copy writing business called The Write Decision. She resides in Arizona with her two very active kids and husband of ten years.
Copyright © Alana Morales. Permission to republish granted to Pregnancy.org, LLC.