by Julie Snyder
Below is our transcript of the live chat event that took place Tuesday, January 19, 2010 in our auditorium with authors Danielle Cavallucci and Yvonne K. Fulbright. This event focused on the sexuality and sensuality of our pregnant bodies.
Moderator: Danielle Cavallucci and Yvonne K. Fulbright, authors of "Your Orgasmic Pregnancy: Little Sex Secrets Every Hot Mama Should Know (Positively Sexual)," are our guests today. Thank you both so much for joining us. And even more for writing this book! It is fantastic and very much needed. So often people consider that sex is "to make babies" -- sex during pregnancy, and beyond is taboo. "You are a mom -- how dare you be interested in sex!"
Yvonne and Danielle: We were astounded at the utter lack of information pertaining to this topic before our book came out! No work had the "hip" flavor we hoped to achieve. However, pregnancy is the fullest expression of your sexuality, and a sort of announcement to the world that you've been "doing it!"
I've had religious people tell me there's no place for sex during pregnancy -- that the womb is holy. But it seems that Mother Nature had a different idea! It can be no mistake that a woman is some of her most orgasmic during a good portion of those 9 months. It's divine intervention in keeping the family together. After all, the happy couple makes for the happy family.
Motherhood is the highest expression of sexuality! Let's face it -- sex spells reproduction. It is, biologically, a reproductive act. To remove the notion that sex is a need is to strip us of one of the most readily available stress-reducers, intimacy enhancers and overall wellness enhancers for both partners.
What was one of the most common myths about women and sex during pregnancy?
There's a lot of misinformation about the fact that sex can harm the baby, when the truth is, it's GREAT for both mom and baby! Men are really concerned that they can somehow hurt the baby - that they're so big and going to bang up against it. Not true! The baby is protected in more ways than one.
Unless you're suffering from placentia previa or a short list of other complications, you're good to go, and should! As long as your doctor has given you the green light -- and you avoid putting pressure on the abdomen -- you're in the clear to enjoy!
People also fret that sex during pregnacy causes uterine contractions that could result in premature labor. Not true, as research has found that those who are sexually active late in pregnancy are much LESS likely to deliver before 37 weeks of gestation than those not getting it on.
A funny thing is, most doctors are leery about broaching the subject, and most women are too embarrassed to bring it up. So, most of us suffer in silence! Ladies, please ask your doctor and get sexy!
What are some of the best positions during pregnancy for comfort and the big "O"?
Spooning is a wonderful one for 2nd and 3rd trimester. It allows for full-body contact and a lot of skin-on-skin intimacy which seems very important to many pregnant women.
Woman on top is going to be the best, esp. as the belly gets bigger. It also gives you the opportunity to rub your clitoris -- which is enlargened from more blood than normal -- against your lover's ab for an orgasm. Big O bests for pregnancy include woman on top and doggie style, both of which allow for additional clitoral stimulus.
We're ALL sexual beings! Embracing that fact and allowing yourself to really feel that is a major key to fulfilling your sensual potential.
Can a pregnant woman receive oral sex?
Yes! You can receive and give oral sex throughout your pregnancy. Just be sure that your partner does not blow into your vagina at ANY time.
Research has found that swallowing her partner's emission may actually be to her benefit in having a healthier pregnancy, provided there are no STDs to worry about.
As a pregnant woman, I'm definitely in the mood. I love my man, but when the moment comes, I'm just fretful. Any advice?
It sounds like your thinking wheels are working overtime at the wrong time! Grounding into your body will alleviate this. Visualize that you're sending your thoughts down to your feet. This will have a grounding effect. Also, focus on where the pleasure is at, allowing yourself to get lost in it.
Make sure that you're addressing any hang ups with sex during pregnancy such as body image issues, negative messages, fears. Then acknowledge and accept any pleasurable sensations you are having and allow them to wash fully over you. Quiet the mind. Be fully in the moment!
I'm always afraid I'm gonna pee at the big moment...
Urinate ahead of time. Your G spot is likely feeling more alive during pregnancy, hence this feeling. You may also be a female ejaculator. This is NOT pee. If you squirt, enjoy it. It's a sign you're turned on!
The first time I ejaculated I almost had a panic attack. It feels so similar to the act of urinating, but it's not! Many mistake it for urine, but it's not. Female ejaculation can happen with or without orgasm, and usually involves pulses of liquid squirting out at the height of passion. Mine are usually associated with climax, not always.
It's expelled via the urethral canal by 40 or so glands and ducts of the female prostate. Research has analyzed it and while it contains traces of urine since it comes out of the urethra (just as your partner's ejaculate comes from HIS urethra), ejaculate actually contains glucose, fructose, and prostate-specific antigens. It's sweet, according to my personal feedback!
Women are likeliest to squirt with G spot stimulation. A lot of men find this reaction really hot, as long as they're reassured it's not pee. Ejaculation is a wonderful experience too few women are able to enjoy!
I struggle with my body image. Do you have any advice on how to move past that?
Pregnancy is beautiful! I loved being pregnant, too! You are still a beautiful woman. Approach your partner gently. He could be having some issues himself with his masculinity or with a bit of envy for the attention the kids get (you probably, understandably have less energy and time to devote to him).
The body image problem is a BIG one for all of us. First of all, try to stop judging your body and start appreciating the fact that it is a miraculous vehicle that carried your children and still carries them, that carries you through this life. Slow down and honor your body.
First, practice patience. You only gave birth 3 months ago. Birth is a traumatic event on the body. Women need time to recover in every way. If your partner doesn't understand that, let him know what you're experiencing (without attacking him), then suggest ways that he might be of help. At the same time, don't diminish the importance of sexual intimacy.
Always begin your conversations with your partner with an affirmation such as "I really love and miss..." or "I really would love to try..." Don't attack or accuse or you'll lose his attention. Be gentle. It's his ego at stake and we all know how fragile those are. At the same time, please be sure to include boundaries you're comfortable with in this conversation.
Second, are you taking care of yourself, giving yourself time to feel good in your skin with exercise, yoga, proper diet, self-care?
Third, literally talk to yourself in the mirror, thank your body for giving life to three human beings. It's amazing what you've just endured. Be humane to yourself. Don't self-talk yourself in a way that you wouldn't other women. In other words, can you imagine saying any of the things you're saying in your judgment of your body to another woman?
Can you see the beauty in the female form and appreciate the miracle of life in yourself? Breathing and being "in" the body is huge here. Feel the sensual nature that is inherent in your every cell by taking just a moment in the shower or even on the toilet if you can't escape to acknowledge the body in a reverent and appreciative way rather than a judgmental one.
Sexpectations put a lot of pressure on women during this time. You either need to be frank, stating what your needs are that don't involve sexual intimacy. You could also approach sex as "sexercise", as there are calories to be burned.
Don't neglect the happy medium of candlelight. People always look sexier in the glow of fire.
For those of us that are still TTC, do you have suggestions on how to up the pleasure factor?
A common trap! Stop thinking of sex as a baby making job! The more worried you are about hitting the exact moment at the right time, the more stressed you'll be and the less likely to conceive! Trust that it can and will happen in the right time, and that you can pay attention to your fertile times without being too rigid and mechanical about making a baby!
Basically, you want to make sure that you're taking stress out of the equation. Pay more attention to the seduction and foreplay than getting to the act. Do things like take a sensual bath or give an erotic massage to really linger in the moment. Also, explore Tantric sex. This will give sex a different focus, while keeping it experimental and fun.
What's Tantric sex? The word "tantra" stems from a Sanskrit word meaning "woven together." When your energies are fully "woven together," you create life! Tantric sex is an approach to lovemaking that stems from the ancient Indian spiritual philosophy of Tantra, which celebrates the sensual joys of realizing the divine nature of existence through your union. The major goal of Tantric sex is for two lovers to feel their individual energy connect, creating a joint energy with the energy of the universe.
The Tantric approach holds that:
• Sexuality is sacred
• All beings are connected and equal
• Sexual energy can be directed
• Your breath is key to releasing energy
• Spiritually, you and your lover are to share mutual interdependence
Free from goals, Tantric sex is about relishing your harmonious relationship right now and revering your partner and love in the sacred form of sex. There are a number of great books out there. Check out ones by LaCroix, Muir & Muir, and Link & Copeland to name a few.
About our guests: Danielle Cavallucci has been involved with health-focused advocacy for over a decade. After the birth of her first child she became a birthing mentor and a specialist in pregnancy fitness. A Reiki master and holistic practitioner, her works include founding Sensual Fusion and working with both men and women to achieve their highest potential for sensual, physical and spiritual fulfillment within the context of facilitation and re-centering.
Her energetic influence has reached thousands of mothers-to-be and their partners via internet, broadcast and written word. She works with people nationwide via telephone, teleconference and face time from her home in Laguna Beach.
Originally from Iceland, sexologist, sex educator, and relationship expert Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright is the author of several books, including "Touch Me There!: A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots (Positively Sexual)" and "The Better Sex Guide to Extraordinary Lovemaking," as well as co-author of "Your Orgasmic Pregnancy: Little Sex Secrets Every Hot Mama Should Know (Positively Sexual)."
Dr. Yvonne has been featured in hundreds of media outlets around the globe, is the "sexpert" columnist and sex expert for Foxnews.com, and is a regular contributor to Men's Health UK Magazine and disaboom.com. A professor of human sexuality at Argosy University, she recently completed her post-doctoral fellowship at the University of Iceland in sexual and reproductive health services.
In 2004, she founded Sexuality Source, Inc., a communications and consulting organization specializing in the topics of sex, sexual health, sensuality, and relationships.