The doctor was frank and told me to rethink having more children. I was not happy about that. I didn't want a doctor, or my body to tell me when to stop having children Two months after my D and C I met with a high-risk doctor. He was very supportive and said he would be willing to take me as a patient if, and when, I became pregnant again. He was willing to work with the accreta. That was in October 1999.
In June of 2000, I found out I was pregnant again. I was very happy but also nervous. I cried when I found out because I was scared that I would lose this pregnancy, too. I had already told myself many times that no matter what, whether I carried to term, whether I miscarried, this would be my last attempt to have another child. I was 34 at the time. I would be 35 if, and when, I delivered full-term.
I had many ultrasounds throughout the pregnancy. I took extra folic acid and extra iron in case of blood loss during delivery. I took baby aspirin to thin my blood to deal with clotting. I refused the amnio because my Level II ultrasound looked good as well as the AFP results.
I asked to be induced and on February 26, 2001, my second son was born. We named him Peter III, after his father and his grandfather. I cried during labor because I was so scared to push. I just didn't know what to expect with the possible accreta and all. It was the best labor I had ever had. The water broke at 7:15 a.m., had the epidural at 8:15 a.m., and by 9 a.m. I was dilated to 10 cm and ready to push. Peter was born at 9:21 a.m. No tearing, no episiotomy, nothing. I hardly bled and my high-risk doctor said I could have sex two days later if I wanted! It felt like I didn't even have a baby, if you can believe that. He was 8 lbs. even and 21 inches. He was beautiful. I was very thankful for him.
Well, to summarize these things in a paragraph: I have been pregnant 7 times, have had 3 D & C's, have given birth to 4 children, 3 of whom are here with me. I have had 2 daughters and 2 sons, and have been pregnant with another son. I know the sex of 5 out of 7 of my pregnancies. My son Sky's condition is rare (told 1 out 3,000 chances of happening), my placenta accretta is rare (1 out of 2,500 chances of happening), and that my son's triploid was rare. I have to say that I am tired of being told that my experiences are "rare." How "rare" can one person be?
To be honest, when I first began having miscarriages, I was very sad about them. But when I had to decide the fate of my son Sky that really made the miscarriages pale in comparison. You see, I was one of those people who always said, "No way, not me, never will do that." I had said I would never get an abortion. By the way, I hate that word. I prefer the terms "terminate," "let go," or "release". I never had an AFP test with any of pregnancies until my last daughter, my 5th pregnancy. I vowed I would never terminate a pregnancy because of a defect. I was wrong. When put in that position with my son, I chose that route, for quite a few reasons.
My feelings range from feeling hypocritical, embarrassed, angry, deprived, cheated, depressed, spiteful, regret, sadness, murderous and happiness. Yes, happiness because my son is not here living with pain. He is our angel in the sky watching over us, and one day I will get to see him and hold him.
I know that not everyone agrees with the choices others make. I cannot ask any of you to accept what I decided. Everyone is different. You really can't say what you would do until you have been faced with the same situation. You have no right to judge me or anyone else for that matter. It is a very individual choice; something that is thought out and all things are considered. You do what is best for yourself and your family.
I chose what I thought was the best option. That does not mean that I am always okay with this. My head says, logically, that was the right thing to do. My heart? It&'s sad and makes me think I am a quitter, a murderer; I didn't do enough for my son, a coward. My heart really hurts, and I will never be over my son. That is the cross I bear in my life. I wish there was some way to bring this issue out. Some people do not choose to have "abortions" as a way of birth control. Some do it out of love, out of health issues for themselves or their child. I don't like to say that what I chose was an "abortion" but legally, that is what it is termed.