Sex during fertility treatments -- bringing sexy back

by Melissa Jaramillo

If you're dealing with fertility issues, you've got a lot of stress ruling your sex life.

Between medical interventions and sex on demand, your libido may have bottomed out. Can sex during treatments be sexy?

Infertility takes a toll on you physically, emotionally, financially and sometimes spiritually on individuals and their relationships.

It affects a person's feelings about themselves, their self-worth and self-esteem. Fertility issues affect relationships with fertile friends, family, co-workers and partners. Inevitably, it affects couples' sexual relationships. These tips can help you hold onto sexual vitality, pleasure, intimacy and fun.

Baby-making as a roadblock to intimacy

Judith C. Daniluk, Ph.D., clinical consultant to Genesis Fertility Centre in Vancouver, Canada, says that 50 to 60 percent of couples report significant decreases in sexual satisfaction during fertility treatments. The longer couples are treated, the more their levels of satisfaction deteriorate.

Twenty to 30 percent of men report episodes of sexual dysfunction including impotence and premature ejaculation. Women report decreased sexual desire and difficulty achieving arousal or orgasm.

Couples stop infertility treatments said their sexual dissatisfaction continued. Although they felt that their marriages were stronger for 'surviving' infertility, they stated they never fully recovered to pre-infertility levels of sexual spontaneity and satisfaction. Why does sexual desire disappear?

Sex on demand: The goal of sex changes. When baby-making begins, sex isn't chore yet. Additionally, your doctor may have prescribed certain days you must have sex. While that sounds like fun, sex can turn into a procreative chore. If the goal's taking longer than expected, negative feelings creep in.

Hormones: You might be taking progesterone. It leaves some women feeling exhausted, bloated and constipated. No wonder your libido went from, "Yes!" to "Go away."

Physician-requested abstinence: Your fertility specialist may ask you to refrain from sex before a procedure until it's time for a pregnancy test.

Put sexy back in sex

Love your body. Shave your legs, put on something that makes you feel your sexiest.

Fake it 'til you make it. If you don't feel sexy, act sexy and the feeling follows. This method works for other situations and works well for sex.

If something bothers you, cover it up. Are you feeling bloated? Do the shot marks feel ugly? Cover up with a t-shirt and favorite panties.

Set the mood for romance and fun. Have a date with your partner, ignore the stick, don't prop your hips and reconnect at your "pre-infertility" level.

Create a ritual. When you're having sex because you have to, not because you want to, change the settings. Use fantasy, erotica or any form of sexual stimulation that works for you.

Take advantage of infertile days. On days when baby-making is impossible, don't give into defeat. Step out of your 'normal' and 'typical' box and enjoy each other for pleasure and excitement's sake. Have it be a way of expressing caring and love.

Beyond sex: Intercourse can become associated with work, obligation and failure. Foreplay doesn't have to lead to intercourse. Kissing, caressing, massaging and fondling, 'watching' or reading sexy books together is enjoyable and satisfying whether or not you orgasm.

Communicate: Do you need to be held, cuddled or require space? Share your needs, desires, wants and fears. Talk to each other about your relationship, infertility and sex life. Taking time to talk and listen to one another nurtures your relationship and sex life.

Has 'working' to make a baby affected your relationship? How did you put the sexy back into sex during fertility treatments and recover?

Photo courtesy of iStockphoto.