Sex During Pregnancy: The Great Divide

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by Sam Holt

It's down to the last trimester and your partner is really looking pregnant. This is where for half of you out there the question of sex during pregnancy can become problematic. Yes, you still find your wife attractive but the thought of having sex with her bothers you. Fear not...you are not alone.

The big questions about sex and pregnancy is -- are you a can or a can not?

We've interviewed hundreds of men around the world for our Being Dad films and it doesn't matter what color, religion or nationality you are, some men can have sex during pregnancy and some can't.

Many women have told us that when their man tells them they aren't interested or can't do it that they perceived it was because he didn't find them attractive in their later stages of pregnancy. Herein lies the problem. How do you explain that it's not that you find her unattractive but you just have a problem with the concept?

We've identified eight typical reasons men can have an issue with sex during late stage pregnancy and what you can maybe do about it.

  1. Scared of tapping the baby on the head. It's simply not going to happen so forget about that one. To get to the baby you need to go through the cervix which isn't going to happen. The cervix also has a plug that forms during pregnancy to protect the baby so no matter what you won't be tapping junior on the head!

  2. You feel like someone else is in the room. If it was Jessica Simpson you probably wouldn't be complaining but if you feel like there is a child is in the room it's understandable that you feel uncomfortable.

  3. It's a girl. Many guys that knew they were having a girl said that it made them feel very awkward to be getting intimate with their daughter so close by. Understandable.

  4. Logistics. It can seem like a logistical nightmare to find the right position so you may need to suggest how to best tackle the problem and the right angle of attack. There are many positions that can be utilized right up to the end and it can be fun trying them out. This is likely to be the only sex you have for a while so what are you waiting for?

  5. You are scared of hurting her. Communication is the key here and talking with your partner about what's ok and what's not is a good idea. Generally speaking you need to avoid putting weight on her stomach and breasts so having lots of cushions at the ready is a great idea. If the position is right and you've got some extra padding there is no need for concern.

  6. You've heard that semen may induce birth. Semen does contain prostaglandins which can kick start the whole shebang. It's unlikely to have an effect much before the due date so you are not going to have to perform a home birth minutes after you've got down and dirty. If you're still worried then just don't ejaculate inside her.

  7. Did you know that her orgasms are potentially going to be earth shattering. It's possible that female orgasms can be intensified in late stage pregnancy due to the general swelling and increased blood flow to the nether regions. Have a go, son, and see if you can't put a big smile on her face!

  8. You can still get it on without having sex. There are plenty of ways that you can play around without having intercourse. Maybe you need a refresher course. Massage, mutual masturbation, oral sex or just plain old cuddling....

It would seem that there is a roughly even divide between men who have issues with sex during late stage pregnancy and those that don't. Remember, if you are struggling it's important to let your partner know why. You don't want her to think it's because you don't find her attractive.

It's a good idea to ask your doctor if sex in late stage is ok given your individual circumstances.

About the authors: Men want to be GREAT dads and birth partners. They just don't know how! We decided that men who had had kids knew what to do and say and what not to do and say but they just don't talk about it. Getting that information out of dads and into a format that dads-to-be would learn from was the hard part. Everyone loves a film and most guys hate instruction guides and manuals so the Being Dad DVD was born. Who are these guys trying to help men be great dads and help women understand their men?

Troy Jones: Troy's company produced the Being Dad series and he has traveled the globe interviewing hundreds of new dads and experts. As a result we like to think of him as a "well renowned global guru in all things Being Dad;" sounds impressive anyway. Troy has a beautiful daughter Matilda, who appears in the Being Dad series.

Sam Holt: Best known for coming up with a new idea every five minutes it's little wonder that Being Dad was, in fact, his idea. Fortunately, Being Dad was one of Sam's better ideas and with the help of Troy and Tom it has grown way beyond all of their expectations. Sam has a son, Hugo, who is too cute to be his.

Tom Hastwell: Lured out of the corporate world by Sam and Troy, Tom has been bitten by the business bug. Troy and Sam are eagerly awaiting news that Toms wife is pregnant so that they can attach a camera crew to him for nine months and actually put him to work. Tom is currently practicing for kids.

Copyrighted © SLM Global Pty Ltd 2009. Permission to publish granted to Pregnancy.org, LLC.