by Jovanna Acevedo Quesada
Now that you're pregnant, everyone willingly shares horrifying labor stories.
No one tells you about the embarrassing stuff like gas attacks or "cottage cheese crotch."
We've put together a list of unspeakable, but common pregnancy side effects so you can know what to expect when you're expecting!
It Takes a Few Months to Look Pregnant
During my first pregnancy, I expected to see a positive on my test and then notice a tiny baby bump on my profile. Instead, for 18 weeks acquaintances thought I was putting on a few pounds.
At long last! The day arrives when others realize that extra bulk represents a wee baby. Two weeks later the baby bump morphed to a Buddha belly and during the next four months I heard comments like:
- "Man, you really popped out there!"
- "Wow, you're really getting big!"
- "How much weight have you gained?"
- "It's nice to see you putting on a few pounds."
- "Is it twins?"
- "Haven't you had that baby yet?"
The comments weren't the most welcome, and were annoying at best. There are always great answers to respond to such comments. We're positive you can think of a few!
Your Body Makes Embarrassing and Weird Sounds
Growls, gurgles, squeaks and pops accompany your daily journey. Another common pregnancy noise? A trucker toot!
You're out shopping with a friend, turn into an aisle and suddenly hear a very loud fart. It escaped without a second's notice. You try to decide whether to pretend the offensive noise was a squeak from your cart, blame it on someone else or act like nothing had happened. Your friend solves the dilemma when she says, "You're pregnant! It happens." You love your friend for life now.
Some moms find that eating smaller, more frequent meals and cutting out foods like beans, broccoli and carbonated beverages makes a big difference. Others learned that nothing but childbirth changed their body dynamics.
You Might Not Always Like Being Pregnant
You're pregnant with a baby you want and maybe even planned for. Congrats! You must be thrilled! Everyone else is! Don't you love being pregnant? Everyone does! It's magical, wonderful, amazing! That sounds like a bunch of baloney, doesn't it?
Truthfully, pregnancy has miracle moments -- those times you can't imagine an experience more beautiful and fulfilling.
It also has other times where you're uncomfortable, frightened, overwhelmed, sea sick, and uncertain.
Hormones mess with your mind and physical changes confuse your body. It's okay to acknowledge pregnancy, the biggest life-changing event most women face, sometimes leaves you feeling less than ecstatic.
Stretch Marks Where?
We all hear about pregnancy and stretch marks. You expect a few stretch marks on your stomach. Stretch marks aren't limited to just the expanding baby bump. Those tiny little silver snail-trails might creep their way across your expanding bosom, arms and legs. Ugh.
Why Do I Taste Metal?
Pregnancy hormones boost your olfactory sense and your sense of taste. You walk past a door and can smell and taste the metal knob. Seriously! Touching the change in your coat pocket means you must wash your hands...twice.
As if super-awareness to smells wouldn't drive any mom-to-be nuts, perfectly acceptable foods can leave a metallic taste in your mouth. Experts explain it with big words like dysguesia. Preggos simply find relief knowing that others experience "metal mouth."
Many things smell more intense, including your husband and your own body. Don't be surprised if no one smells the body odors you insist are just horrific.
Quarty Cheeseburger Crotch
Stacy Quarty, author of "Frankly Pregnant: A Candid Week-by-Week Guide to the Unexpected Joys, Raging Hormones and Common Experiences of Pregnancy" compares your nether regions during pregnancy to walking around with a cheeseburger in your crotch.
Pregnancy vaginal and vulvar changes include more discharge, an increase in odors, itching and swelling of the vulva. While this is perfectly normal, you might not expect the amount of discharge or color changes and swelling.
Your best attack revolves around natural fibers, frequent changes and skipping the vaginal deodorants.
The Baby Pushes on Your Bladder
Literature mentions frequent bathroom trips because your growing baby pushes on your bladder. Seldom mentioned is the fact that in the third trimester, pee (and poo) happen at unexpected times...like when you throw up, cough or sneeze.
As your pregnancy progesses, consider sitting on the toilet and barfing in a container instead of "worshiping at the throne." You'll be glad you did.
A well-placed boot (by your budding soccer player) to the "water balloon" serving as a bladder or a simple sneeze can send a stream down your legs. Be proactive and swing by the store for a pack of panty liners for times you aren't home and around a change of clothes. A little extra security doesn't hurt.
Get going on those Kegel exercises to increase urinary control, make childbirth easier and help your muscles recover more quickly after the birth.
During pregnancy, time might not be on its usual continuum. The last few weeks of pregnancy alternate between racing by with race-car speed (have you packed your bag and arranged childcare) and moving slower than a tortoise (I can't wait to see my baby and my feet).
Which pregnancy "facts" do you think all moms need to know Share your experiences in comments.
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