by Tricia G.
Two years have passed -- seven hundred and thirty days -- seventeen thousand five hundred and twenty hours -- since I last held you, since I last kissed your face, and stroked your hair.
Two years have passed. People have forgotten who you were, that you were my firstborn, my heart. They have rebuilt their lives and their hearts have healed, but not mine. Never mine.
Two years have passed. You should be three years old right now. You should be running around my house, filling it with the sounds of laughter, teasing your younger sister. Your silky blonde hair would be long by now, your eyes still that heavenly blue. You would have the hint of a devil in you and also the soul of an angel.
Two years have passed. I do not think of you every minute. I do not think of you every hour. But I think of you every day. I speak of you, to your sister, to your Grandmother, your Grandfather. I carry your pictures with me wherever I go. When asked how many children I have, I am always proud to say I have two. I have one in heaven and one on earth.
Two years have passed. You would think that I would have moved past the pain. That our lives would be perfect once again, yet life does not work that way. You never have the chance of a perfect life again, because always, you know someone is missing. You have a little hand that should be held -- a perfect cheek that should be kissed.
Two years have passed. I will never forget you, my firstborn, my daughter, and my soul. Tears do not always flow when I think of you, but they are always there in my heart. They are a part of my being now, this grief, this pain. People think I have grown past the hurt, past the loss, but I know better. I will never outgrow you -- if I forget the pain and the hurt, I may also forget the joy of holding you when you were born, of touching you, of knowing you. I will never do that -- I promise.
Two years have passed and life has continued its course, but one thing has not changed. I love you, Mollie Ann, and always will.
Tricia G. is currently the mother of a beautiful two-year-old.
Copyright © Pregnancy.org, LLC.