by Melissa Stanton
It's not uncommon for a woman who has children to collapse in bed at night feeling as emotionally and physically drained as a vampire victim.
When a stay-at-home mother spends her day being clung to and crawled upon by children, by the time her partner arrives home the only thing she wants to do is escape, and not be touched. (Employed moms can feel the same way after juggling work and family, and frequently managing both upon returning home in the evening.) With so many people in a mother's life taking from her in order to satisfy their own needs, there's often nothing left to give.
It's not that stay-at-home moms don't want to have sex. Intimacy and affection are very important, particularly for one's self-esteem. The hitch is that time and place and context now matter. Aside from often not having the physical and emotional energy for even the simplest bedroom gymnastics, it can be hard for a woman to intellectually switch gears from mommy to vixen.
So assuming that He is often as eager as She is exhausted, how can a couple childproof their love life?
A Special Message to the Husbands of Stay-at-Home Moms: Woo the mother of your child(ren) the same way you did before she was the mother of your child(ren). Instead of pouncing on her when she collapses exhausted into bed, make and take her on a real date. You likely get to leave the house on a regular basis, and you likely do this unencumbered by offspring; the mother of your child or children often doesn't.
(Imagine if you lived and worked at your office and never left. Imagine if, during the only time you did leave the building, your boss, staff and colleagues came with you. Horrifying, isn't it?)
Women who spend their days caring for children need time to reenergize the part of themselves that enabled them to become moms in the first place (i.e. their sex appeal and sex drive). To really get in the mood they often need new scenery and a chance to dress-up. They need to be complimented and, most of all, listened to.
Remember: This is a person who currently spends her days with children who don't listen, and with whom she surely can't have an adult conversation. Take her out, talk and listen and you're (ahem) in!