11th March 2011

So, here I am. Exactly 5 weeks pregnant according to my clinic. And yes, I am unexpectedly pregnant, despite going through the most invasive and advanced fertility treatment currently known. Unexpected, because I didn't expect it to work. I had given up on having babies. This was a last ditch attempt so I would have no regrets. And here I am ..... Pregnant!!

However, I can't say I'm enjoying it yet. I have OHSS, which has caused me to retain fluid in my abdomen, caused a fair bit of pain, and given me a lot of excuses for resting and not working. Even resting seems like hard work. And the constant thirst -- I have to limit my fluid intake to 2 litres a day (or a little more) and that is hard to do. I just feel rough.

But why am I complaining!! This wonderful thing, that I have wanted for myself since I was a child -- I am finally, possibly, against many odds, perhaps going to be a mother??!!!??? This just doesn't seem to compute to my puny little brain!!

My husband is proving a true ally, but I did upset him today by asking him to finish off the lunch in a way that he felt was too abrupt and presumptuous just after he'd walked in the door. He's had to pick up a huge load of my work recently, and he has his own pressures at his workplace too. So I shall have to work at not upsetting him.

This whole fertility journey has been such a roller coaster, and I feel like I just need a month off from all of it to rest and let this little bundle inside me grow.

My mum says the first trimester is really tiring. I can't believe I'm already over 1/3 of the way through it! How on earth did that happen? It was the weirdest thing to go from 'possibly could be pregnant' to 'BANG!! you are 4 weeks along!'

I hope to write more soon, about my journey to this point, and about my hopes for the future. But for now, I will have to sign off. It's 9pm and the curry we ordered should be here shortly.

Silver Holly