15 weeks

LunaBella23's picture

Mine is not a planned pregnancy. In fact, I had come to think that, much as I loved the thought of having a child of my own, this was not to be for me. I'm a teacher, and hanging out with other people's kids fed my baby hunger some - it's also quite a powerful contraceptive, as I know for sure that children are not all sweetness and light all the time! They can be noisy, frustrating and grey hair-inducing... but they are also awe-inspiring and joyous and honest. I love my job, it's so satisfying and there was part of me that really grieved that it seemed perhaps I was not to experience motherhood firsthand.
Then I was late. I took a pregnancy test and it came back negative, so I didn't stress. A couple of days later I did bleed a little - now I think this was probably "implantation" occurring, but then I figured I definitely wasn't pregnant. But, well, that bleeding never came to much and when I took another pregnancy test, it was a definite positive. So I took another one and it looked just the same. I told Micheal and he was pretty shocked - we had not been together long and we had definitely not been trying for a baby! I have to say, he really did take it pretty well, although his surprise and yes, his fear, was writ clear on his face. I was feeling surprised and frightened myself.
I knew I'd be keeping this baby, as surprised as I was. And while I felt terrified, I also felt - elated. Excited.
The first 12 weeks - they were exciting, to say the least. Pain at week 5 was thought to be an ectopic, but scans said no, thankfully there was definitely a uterine pregnancy. For a brief and terrifying time it was thought perhaps I had both an ectopic and an in utero pregnancy, but again, thankfully, no. Then my high, high hormone levels meant they wanted to check it wasn't perhaps a molar pregnancy... again, no, all was good, all was ticking along just like it should. My elevated hormone levels continued and maybe it was twins? Were they kidding? Now, after my 12 week scan, I can say that unless baby number 2 is the world's best hide and seeker, no, there's just the one.
And baby looks awesomely just as he should (don't know the sex for sure, but I dreamed psychic children told me it was a boy, so I tend to say 'he'). I have a cervical polyp that's pretty friable and would bleed - sometimes quite a lot - but even that has settled down. I have had a colposcopy and they want another one at 24 weeks, and the polyp looked disconcerting as hell, but apparently is no worry to baby at all. Baby just keeps trucking, despite all the concern from the medical professionals. My midwife seems calm and content all is well. Maybe an upside to all that mayhem is that I have now had 4 scans and baby looked great in all of them. I think baby is here to stay and I couldn't be more thrilled.
I'm still terrified. My life is about to change irrevocably, and a really shallow part of me is just plain horrified at how much weight I've put on, let alone the more substantial changes yet to come... but I am excited and elated and thrilled all over. I want to meet our baby. He's only 15 weeks old, so there's a while to wait yet - but I'm starting to feel him move and bubble inside me and I love him so much already. You go baby!