15th March 2011

I feel quite disconnected today. I spend a fair bit of time thinking about being pregnant, but not being able to do a great deal that moves these thoughts forward. My new Yoga DVD is helping a lot -- have done Buddha Bellies most basic programme just twice, but it's really good for relieving tension and helping me feel grounded.

Today though I just feel tired. I don't feel like doing anything but lying around and watching TV. But even that doesn't make me feel well, exactly. I feel a bit tense. A little piece of me is really hoping that it is not like PMT symptoms, as that would be devastating. I've had no bleeding of any kind, and I know that some women have spotting and such right through their pregnancy, but I think it would still be quite a shock if I did.

The Repro Med forum is very useful for keeping grounded too. I check in with it a few times a day on my mobile to see other people's posts, and usually post something on there too. It has particularly helped me not freak out about the cramping type pains I've had -- hopefully just the uterus expanding etc.

I can't believe my scan is now a week away. Seems very soon, but yet also very far away.

I think I have now told most people who knew about our IVF journey that we are crossing our fingers but expecting. I hope the novelty doesn't wear off.

I lost some of my extra fluid weight in the last few days. This is due to my having Ovarian Hyper-Stimulation Syndrome (OHSS). It first meant I had a LOT of pain in my ovaries, and then this spread into my whole abdomen and lower back. That's when I couldn't cope with it very well, and had to knock the door down at the clinic to get checked out. They did a few tests and put me into hospital for three nights to monitor me and also gave me four bags (2 treatments) of alubmin blood protein. That certainly helped me feel better. I have a big belly now and look pregnant, and my waist pretty much disappeared. All the fluid made its way up into my chest, or maybe it was just forcing everything else upward -- anyway my waist disappeared and I was short of breath, which is also a common symptom. Fortunately I didn't vomit, but I did burp a lot! I have to watch my fluid intake carefully now and not drink too much. The pain has also been a major issue -- I made them give me some codeine to take home with me. I've managed to take just 3 small doses per day for a few days, but since Sunday I haven't taken any. Today I've even relaxed the paracetamol dose. Still quite uncomfortable, but it is bearable now where before it was very painful.

I have also noticed my taste buds changing. Coffee just isn't the same anymore, and I keep putting balsamic vinegar on my sandwiches which I never used to do. Enjoying tomatoes as well. Kevin thinks it's way to early for all this, but he's being supportive anyway.

Oh, he's back from work now, so better dash. More another time.