I knew when I recently married my husband, that he would want children right away, being that he is 41 yrs old and has no previous children. I have one child from a past relationship, but have also been plagued by two miscarriages. There is so much fear and uncertainty trying for another baby. After 8 months of unprotected sex with my husband, the question aroused, "can you have kids?" We went to a urologist and found he has a variocele that was causing his infertility. Hugh? Who would have guessed?
He had a procedure to correct the problem, and now we wait. We try and we wait. I am crazy taking pregnancy tests, thinking,"is this the month", with only a negative test in front of me. To make it even worse, my gynecologist started me on prenatal vitamins. Prenatal vitamins, no pregnancy, and unsure if and when that may happen. It's like planting and apple tree to harvest and never getting in fruit. Not only that, the thought of one day finally being pregnant again seems magnificent, but on the other hand also scary. I am afraid of miscarrying another child. One of the miscarriages was at 6 months of pregnancy. I can only imagine that I may live the entire pregnancy in fear.
My husband continues tell me "baby stop worrying and leave everything in God's hands." It will be his will." I know he is right, but it's hard not being afraid, Afraid of not getting pregnant and afraid of when we pregnant.
I just know it's going to be quite and emotional rollercoaster.
