Amanda's Journey -- Week 14

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Entry 15

CD 9 CY 4 (post m/c)
It has been a busy week here. Sunday, after writing my entry, I ended up in unbearable pain. I went to stretch and the muscles in my upper back/neck just tightened up. All day it got worse. Monday morning Jim convinced me to go to the Doctors. I was lucky and got right in that morning. She diagnosed me with Muscle Spasms. OUCH!! I got a shot of Zydicain (what dentists use) directly in one of the muscles. She then sent me home with a prescription for muscle relaxes and 800 mg of Ibuprophin. Wow, it has taken all week for my muscles to get back to normal. I am still waking up with a really bad stiff neck but some stretching lessens things up.

Jim and I had a talk this week about trying our best this month. I made him promise, starting Tuesday, for 2x a day bd'ing. I have been chatting with some really close friends this past week. It has helped me a lot. I still have hope. Not much but the hope is there.

Ok, it has been awhile since I touched on the religion subject. I have been having a really tough time with this again. I am still so in-between on what I believe. When I go to reply on a post, here at, I go to type "my thoughts and prayers are with you". I catch myself now. I can't bring myself to say "my prayers" because I can't bring myself to fully believe in God. Does that make sense? It is hard to throw the idea away completely because it has been burned into my brain all my life. Yet, since the m/c I have questioned the existence of God so much. So where do I go from here. I don't know where to look. I don't have any guidance whatsoever in real life to point me in the right direction.