Amanda's Journey -- Week 2

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Entry Two

10/29/02
Okay, I have a confession to make. Dh and I are not preventing a pregnancy. I know that I ovulated on Sunday 10/27. I will admit that Dh and I did BD (had sex). I know the doctor told us to wait 2 cycles, but it is so hard to think of waiting. We have tried for so long and to actually try and prevent a pregnancy is just unthinkable. It is probably stupid of us to do this. But I know some people will understand.

This is where it is frustrating when you hear so many different opinions on how long to wait. I will say that I do not have much faith in my OB. He is so distant. He really has no bedside manner. He never did say he was sorry about the miscarriage. When I was in for my exam I felt like a number not a person. I have already talked to a friend about her OB. She is an L&D nurse at the hospital I want to delver at next.

Why is it so hard to find an OB that you can get a bit personal with? Why do most doctors treat you like numbers nowadays? Where is that personal 1 on 1 time? It is all gone. Gone because of patient overload, messed up insurance companies, and frivolous lawsuits (okay, I will get off my soap box now).

11/01/02
We had a wonderful time last night for Halloween. Jim and I took Emilee to Jennifer's (mom2batman) house for "tick teating." Emilee did wonderful. She had so much fun and we had so much fun watching her. She also got way to much candy. I have been "helping" her eat some.

Jim and I have been doing okay lately. We have been having some rough patches here and there. Mainly just stupid fights. I guess we are just both so stubborn and it causes a lot of conflicts. I know I have been stressed out, so that contributes to things also. I just have a really short fuse and he knows all the right buttons to push. I love him with all my heart but sometimes we just don't like each other. Make sense? Emilee has been amazing us every day. She is growing up so fast. I swear she says a new word every day. I love my child so much it hurts sometimes. I find myself looking at her and I end up just crying.

We waited so long for her that someday it still feels like a dream. I just hope we will be able to give her a brother or sister soon. I want them to be close in age. My sisters are 6 and 8 years older than me. It was hard growing up because of the age gap. They never wanted to play with their baby sister. It felt at times like I was an only child. I am grateful now that I am close to both of them. I want my children to be close from little up. Now I know there will be the normal sibling problems but I don't care.