Amanda's Journey -- Week 7

Read All of Amandas Journey

Entry 8

12/10/02
CD 7 CY 2(since m/c) -- Well, another month started. Dh better be ready for a marathon! I have to keep saying, "this is the month, this is the month." God, I so want it to be this month. I have been doing a bit better emotionally the past few days. I still have my moments but overall I am doing better. I have become host of a new bulletin board. The Big Beautiful Women's support board is one that I have needed for a long time. I am so excited to be hosting it. I hope I can do it justice!

I just realized as I was typing that tomorrow is the 2-month anniversary of losing our Angel Ashling. Wow, 2 months already. Okay, there went that good mood…

12/11/02
Well I have been putting off writing in here this morning. I have so many emotions I don't know where to begin. Today is the 2-month anniversary of losing our baby. Where do I start? I was sitting here thinking about what I wanted to write and I couldn't think of the words. So, I am just going to wing it:

To my Angel,

Sweetpea, my, how you are missed. I think of you everyday, wishing you were still with is. We would be getting ready to see you in an ultrasound in a week or two. I would also be anxiously waiting to feel you move inside of me soon. It hurts so much to think of not ever being able to feel you move and grow inside of me. We are trying to get pregnant again. Please, my angel, don't feel like we are trying to replace you. That will never happen. You were our second child. A child that we never got to know, but still our second child. Emilee and our future children will always know they had another brother or sister -- one that will forever watch over them.

I love you sweetpea,
Mommy