Creating our family

As this is my first blog, I feel the need to give some background on our situation. My husband and I have been actively trying to conceive. We knew there would be some type of a challenge. At age 13 I started my period and it was regular for 9 mo. I then started my period and it lasted for 3 months straight, I was only a freshman in high school. My family doc recommended that I use birth control to regulate my cycle. I was on this for a long time, somewhere near 9 years. In the fall of 2009, my cycles were messing up and not regular by a long shot. We were engaged to get married in October 2010. I went and saw an OB and we stopped the birth control. We wanted to have kids right away. We figured that being off would increase our chances soon after we married. I did not have a period for 11 months straight. The doctor said that this takes time and eventually your body will regulate itself. Well after 9 months I went to a new OB and they suggest that I take Metformin to help regulate my periods. They also diagnosed me with PCOS, meaning several cysts on the ovaries. I was an unusual case. I was not overweight, no acne, no male pattern baldness. Only a history of irregular periods and cysts on the ovaries. My fam doctor didn’t think that I had this, and it was only a coincidence. You cant get pregnant if you don’t have periods. We tried this and nothing….no period! We then moved far away from friends and family so that I could peruse my career.
For the last few months we have been trying. This last month we had sex every other day just about. And NOTHING!! I was starting to feel quite desperate and sad. I mean we did everything by the book: dated, marriage, now baby. Why couldn’t we conceive? We did everything right! We are both very much in shape and live healthy lives.
Now that we are up to speed, I recently saw a OB/GYN. She recommends a whole list of things to do. This is where I get torn. Yes we want a family more than anything, but why do I have to work so hard? There are hundreds of parents out there who are TERRIBLE PARENTS and don’t deserve a child, so why cant we have one? I am now to start tracking my ovulation and mucus secretions. I was prescribed clomid 50 mg twice a day, starting day 3 thru 7. This will help speed up my ovaries. Day 1 is when you start your period. I am to go and get labs drawn on day 3. We are to do a post coital test when Im ovulating. We are to have sex and then within the next 6 hours go in and have the OB check to make sure the sperm is going where it needs to go. This is all in the first round. The OB said it can take up to 3 cycles, after that she recommends a fertility specialist. Im happy that we are getting extra help in this department. But I feel embarrassed that I have to go through all of these means. I want a baby to come naturally, I don’t think that this will work for us.
Clomid has a high risk with multiple pregnancies. There is already a very high rate of twins in both my family and his. Since we are on are own, no family or real friends just yet, one baby will be perfect. I am scared to say that we want twins and planned on having twins before any of this started. But why now am I feeling guilty? Yes we want children, one to start. We want twins but don’t think we could handle them. Should I be this choosy, I should be lucky just to get to experience pregnancy?
I haven’t reached out to friends or family. I feel like they will judge and want us to move back. We need time for us and we like being out here. We miss our family and friends terribly, and we don’t want to feel their rath. The people that I work with are aware of us “trying” and only one friend back home. My sister is one of the most closest people to me, so why cant I tell her? Im close with all my family so why is this so hard? Am I embarrassed or ashamed. I don’t think I should feel either way, only happiness. We want a family and who cares what others might say? But we do. We plan on telling them after 12 weeks, if we can only get there.
I have another 2 weeks or so before my next period. There is nothing to do except wait. And what if, I am already expecting. I have no idea. Is this all for nothing, is someone trying to get even with me?? Im at a lost…looking for faith and friendship to help get me though this.