Today is day one. I took a pregnancy test when I woke up this morning and i barely put the stick down and it was already a positive result. My best guess is that I am 5 weeks pregnant. I went from ecstatic to terrified to very sad. You see, I am at work. I am working at a Boy Scout Camp three hours from home. My husband is home and I wont see him for another couple of weeks and wont be going home until the end of August. I have wanted for so long to become pregnant, and have imagined what it would be like tell him the news. I never imagined that I would be in the middle of the woods at the top of a mountain telling him on a barely working phone. I am now waiting to hear from the camp nurse who is going to try to find me an OB/GYN up here for me to go see. It is so hard to concentrate on my work here because I want to be with my husband and share this moment with him. I wish that I could tell people, but I am scared that the situation will change. My family has always had trouble carrying to term.
Of course all of the worries of a new mother are hitting me all at once. I don't know if I will ever be able to do a good enough job with my child. Though I am greeted with such calming beauty when I look out the window, I am having difficulty holding on to that serenity.
The two people here are the camp that I was able to confide in are so happy and bursting with excitement. It is not often that you have a pregnancy at a Boy Scout camp.
And yes, I am very excited, albeit very worried and anxious.