hmm

Well still kinda cramping a bit, negative test, dr.'s apt feels to far away, i wonder if they'll think Im a lunatic if i go to the er or urgent care at the naval hospital. Im at a point where i care about if im prego or not but also not caring because i feel stupid cuz i want to be prego so bad but am getting neg tests and symptoms but i might just have issues (hormonal imbalance) ): life sucks on that front, that's all i gotta say ): i HATE not being normal. And then what if I AM prego? I feel like since i haven't gotten a positive test, or a dr confirmation that Im not. Like I need that to feel the right to feel prego. ): I feel all lame and like im trying too hard. ): ): ):

So yeah, cramps and a tinge of blood in the cm im seeing, not much at all but enough to make me wonder what's happening. This last time is the most prego i've ever felt, and i wonder if im losing my supposedly forming mp, cuz the cm is whitish with tinges of red. i mean, i had uncomfy sex if we went too deep, a ton of cm for a while, burny sensation. I don't want a "fake" pregnancy ): That would make me feel like a complete loser ): But then on the other hand, if I am somehow prego, I don't wanna abuse myself so that I somehow negatively impact my baby. But again, I don't know at all ): I hate not knowing!