I wish I knew

Well the past three weeks have been pretty rough…. Jason (DH) is getting ready to go in for surgery on his shoulder. And well I have been feeling really “off”. Normally I do not get tired during the day, but for the past three weeks I will be fine, full of energy and then all of a sudden I am ready to crash I can't wait to go to bed, if that was not enough I have been getting random headaches and not just a small one, but the kind that no matter what I do or take I cannot shake it. Than we go to my breast… oh hell they are so sore, I guess the best way to describe it would be that they have been perky for too long and everything that touches them (including the bra, or just a shirt) hurts. And it’s not like an OUCH hurt but more like a discomfort. Oh and another thing… why the hell can I only fit into ONE pair of jeans. I have wanted to eat EVERYTHING in sight… including McDonald’s (not something I ever want to eat), I could just have eaten there and all I have to do is see a commercial on TV or hear somebody say something about it and that’s it… I want a burger again. Oh and don’t get me started on being gassy… It is the WORST!!! I have never farted or burped as much as I have in the past few weeks. It makes it so that I don’t want to go out. And Jason is telling me to take a test because he thinks we might have had success, as he says. But I don’t see how that could be, I just had AF here… he just left on Tuesday (the 19th, only 6 days ago) granted it was such an odd cycle for me, ony 1 heavy day (but it realy wasn't heavy all day, just for a little while and than it was light to spotting for the rest of the week). But still, I don’t think that is it, even though I would LOVE for it to be the case. So I had gone to dollar tree today on my lunch break and picked up 4 pregnancy test and 2 ovulation test(just incase, I always have an open stock of them). So I will have to wait till tomorrow morning to take a test, otherwise I have to wait till Thursday when I go back to my OBGYN. Now when I see her on Thursday I am going to tell her what has been going on along with showing her my charts, but I am so scared that she is going to be like, “Psh…it’s all in your head” I am sorry I have had a doctor tell me that before, but it’s not in my head… at times I wish that it was so that I could just turn it off… I hate being out and than having a “hot flash” or trying not to pass gas when out, or just wanting to sit down after walking a bit, or can’t wait to go home and take off the bra, or how my back will start to hurt (not for long thankfully) I so wish that I could stop the random headaches. Oh how nice that would be.
The worst thing is that Jason will look at me and see that I am not feeling well and he will ask me with a HUGE smile on his face how am I feeling and what’s wrong, but then when I tell him his smile gets even bigger, I know he wants another baby (his boys will be 10 yrs in a few months) and it just breaks my heart a thousand times more when I take that test and get a negative because I know that I am going to have to tell Jason and see his disappointment, even though he tries his best to hide it. Well I guess that’s it for today… If I get good news tomorrow I will be back on… or worst case I will be back on Thursday. Let’s keep our fingers crossed for some good news tomorrow!!!