Life's been pretty crazy lately. I mean turned upside down, inside out and then twisted for good measure. I never thought I would be where I am today.
In my life, I tried to do things the "right way". I went to college, met someone, and got married. However, I have several health problems and from the time I was 19, I was told that I may never have kids and if I wanted to I needed to try immediately. As much as I wanted a family of my own, I wasn't going to bring a child into the world that I wasn't capable of taking care of. So, I waited. My ex-husband knew it might not be possible, but we tried anyway and we simply couldn't get pregnant. It drove a wedge between us. Our marriage didn't last long and wasn't filled with many pleasant memories. I didn't believe in divorce and worked hard to try and make things work, but there was no way I could save the marriage by myself. My husband filed for divorce.
After the divorce, I got very sick and was on disability for a year. It was a lonely, depressing and very difficult time for me. I was forced to move back home and since I had left at 17 and was now 27, I was very alone there. I ended up getting back in touch with old high school friends to keep me company. One of those friends was Adain and he became my best friend. I couldn't drive or go out much so he came by to visit me weekly and helped keep me sane. I don't know what I would have done without him. I'm sure it wasn't easy for him, I was a little needy since I was stuck in that house ALL THE TIME.
After I recovered, Adain and I grew closer until we were pretty inseparable. The added bonus was he has two incredibly wonderful, beautiful, talented and loving daughters. He has custody of them, although they visit their mother every other weekend. We were engaged in October.
Then work stopped for him. There was a lot of family and personal drama and stress over the next several months and we didn't have the time or money to even begin thinking about actually getting married. I still live with my parents and he is living with his since they help with getting the girls to and from school and activities while he works. With him out of steady work, we have been steadily cutting down my savings. We can no longer afford to buy a house.
Now, I'm pregnant. No, the timing isn't right, but I'm pregnant. I am having the baby that I spent years dreaming of and the baby that I believed I would never have. I can't help but be filled with joy. I guess I should be more worried, but I am just incredibly excited to begin this new adventure. I know that it won't always be easy, but it will always be worthwhile. Everyone in our lives is very happy for us. We know that there are some that will judge us harshly because we got pregnant before getting married, but how important is it really that we didn't do it exactly right. The end result is wonderful - our own little miracle. I think that anytime is the right time to have a baby as long as your primary response is love. I love my partner and I love the baby that is growing inside me.