Late last night I received an IM from Missy on yahoo. She asked me if I had time to talk. Well of course I had time to talk to Missy. She has been a special light in my life during the last 3 years or so. She has helped during some times when I was ready to chuck it all and accept that faith had nothing to do with anything.
But Missy was always there to guide me in the right direction. We clicked from the first moment we spoke on yahoo. As amazing as it sounds, YES you can make that kind of connection with someone that you have never met in real life.
Anyway Missy asked me if I had time to talk. I could tell something was troubling her. I asked her what was wrong, she hesitated numerous times. This was not like Missy, she usually has no trouble with words.
But this time, she was at a loss and didn't know where or how to begin.
By now I am getting concerned. But she finally began typing. She said that someone had contacted her in regard to me. She said that this someone was a pregnancy.org community member. She said that this person was 5 months pregnant and wanted James and I to adopt her baby.
Of couse, I have shortened this. It took Missy at least 20 minutes to spit this out. She was nervous about bringing it up. She knew that I had been through hell accepting infertility, but had finally closed that chapter in my life and had come to terms with the fact that I would never hear anyone call me "mommy". I didn't like it, but was at peace with it and was finally at peace with God.
Missy cared too much about me to hurt me, but at the same time, she cared too much about me to make this decision for me. She knew that ultimately she had to tell me about this opportunity and let me and James decide the next step, if any.
After probably 2 hours of complete and utter disbelief on my part, I agreed to talk to James about it in the morning. At first I thought "oh what a nice gesture", but then I realized that she was serious!
I think that in the beginning I was too ready to brush it off as just a nice gesture because of the wall that I had built over the last few years. It had taken me a long time to build that wall and I wasn't going to let it fall down that easily.
So Missy spent the next 2 hours or so chipping away at each little brick in that wall. I truly believe that if Missy had not taken the time with me that she did last night, that I would have just dismissed the idea altogether. It is much easier at this point to say "it has never happened before, why should I be so lucky for it to happen now". That was the easy way out.
But slowly Missy opened up my heart. She had enough faith for both of us, at least until I could get a grasp on mine again.
Missy said she felt so sure that this woman was genuine and sincere in her offer. So eventually out of sheer exhaustion I went to bed with a heavy heart and a lot to think about.