Mom from the Heart: Tater Tot

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It is almost 4am and my mind is racing. It looks as if I am finally going to be a mommy. We are moving ahead with the adoption.

I am absolutely petrified. Talk about a leap of faith, this is it. What if she changes her mind at the last minute? What if we talk on the phone tomorrow and she doesn't like me?

This woman is giving us the most precious gift in the world, how do you thank someone for that? How do I even begin to tell her what this means to us?

Am I worthy of this blessing? Will I be a good mother to this wonderful baby?

I have done nothing but cry for the last 24 hours. I am a huge ball of raw emotion and so is James. To think that the one thing we have wanted for so long is going to happen and in only 4 months! We only have 4 months to prepare for this. We will find out the sex of the baby next week. I can't even wrap my mind around these words. I don't want to go to sleep for fear of waking up in the morning to realize this was all a dream.

I have to keep my feet on the ground for now. This is far from over and a lot could happen between now and her EDD.

There is an attorney calling me tomorrow, she specializes in inter-state adoptions. Since this adoption is "uncontested" the attorney fee should be "reasonable" and it should all move fairly quickly. But then again, guess it has to move fairly quickly since the baby is due in 4 months.

I need to call my health insurance and get the forms to fill out for when we bring the baby home so he/she can be added to my health insurance coverage. I need to choose a pediatrician and set up an appointment to meet with them prior to the birth so that I can make sure I get all the pertinent medical information from the birth parents.

We have names chosen so that isn't even an issue. My head is reeling with questions and with thoughts of the future.

I will get to buy a "baby's first Christmas" outfit! Can you imagine the pictures we are going to take of this baby? I can't wait to see little Travis and our little one playing together. THAT will be the so amazing to see.

I will get to see my parents hold my child, that is something that I had let go of long ago. I thought that would never happen, but now maybe it will.

Her next doctor's appointment is May 11th, so that night we will know the sex of the baby. That will make it so much more real because then we'll have a name for the baby. But for now we are calling the baby "tater tot".

A huge part of my heart is looking toward heaven tonight. I knew my Aunt Julie was up there in heaven looking for just the right little baby for us. I just didn't know heaven was only 2000 miles away.

Goodnight tater tot, we already love you...