More of the same...

Last night, I started having this really weird pain. It was where cramps usually are, but it was a different pain than cramps. It hurt BAD, but it was a constant ache -not sharp pains or anything like that. I went to the bathroom and ...I think I finally passed my baby. I know this is gross, but I stared at it for a long time. It saddens me to think that I could have had a bouncing baby from that...material. I read all this stuff about chemical pregnancies and that it's really nobodies fault, but I feel like I failed. My boyfriend has been by my side the entire time, but I feel like I can't talk about it anymore to anyone. To them, I never had a chance to get acquainted with the idea that I was pregnant - so I should be over it. I'm not over it. I'm not completely shattered, I do want to try again, but I'm still sad. I guess I thought when I got pregnant that it'd be easy. I don't know anyone that had any "real" issues with being pregnant. I just figured I'd be the same. But I'm not. I'm different and I don't know why.

On another note, after I passed all that, I figured maybe it would adjust my bleeding. This morning I got up and it was extremely light. So I was happy because that means we can try soon, but by the time I got to work, it's a full on period now. Hopefully it doesn't last much longer. If it does I'll be making an appointment with a doctor. A different doctor, because I will never go back to the one I had.

I keep seeing all these shows on HGTV where people are pregnant or have small kids and are moving because they need more space. I instantly fall in love with every nursery on there. I immediately feel envious of whomever they are talking about. And then I immediately feel bad. They may have had problems too and I don't know about them. I hope everyone has a happy and healthy pregnancy, I'd never wish this feeling on anyone.