My first six weeks

My hubby and I have been trying to conceive for a while. It got to a stage where we put some strain in our relationship, because I expected him to perform any time, day or night. So we decided to take a break for a while. We made this decision beginning January 2009.

Imagine our surprise when I learned that I was pregant early in February. My husband remarked rather dryly that it was because I didn't put any pressure on him to perform like a circus lion.

At first I was a bit worried, because I had a strange almost painlike discomfort, like just before my period. I felt it for two weeks, and then it went away. The doctor said that it was because everything is starting to strecth.

At first I had to remind myself that I was pregnant, it felt so unreal, so I carried my home pregnancy test with me for a while. I used to stare at it for long stretches, trying to convince myself that it wasn't a dream. I went through stages of absolute wonder and incredible dread. Maybe dread is a strong word. Maybe apprehension is a better choice.

Now I'm in my sixth week and low and behold, I have morning sickness 24 hours a day. I don't need to remind myself that I am pregnant any more. The morning sickness and constant hunger takes care of that. My sister told me to drink ginger tea, to help with the morning sickness. She was one of those unlucky mothers who had morning sickness right through her pregnancy. I have tried it, but it only makes me feel better for a little while. Another drawback for me is that the smell of red meat makes me want to throw up. I love red meat. But it looks like baby doesn't want any. So it's fish and chicken for the next eight months.

I am very excited about my pregnancy, but sometimes I wonder if I'm really ready for this enormous step in my life. I find myself with each passing day, growing more excited and more afraid of the day my baby will be born. I guess it's a natural feeling.