My journey through pregnancy and chronic illness

I have learned that I am pregnant. The concern is that I have a chronic brain illness that I am under the care of specialist's and pain and seizure management. For the last week and a half I spent the whole time shuttling back and forth to specialist's. The same one's that said I could not conceive, well, I think that was wrong! LOL! They all gave me the go ahead and informed me of the risks of medications and pregnancy and they have altered them to ensure proper neural tube formation. I am an extremely pro-active in my health and this is a surprise! I wanted to make sure that my life was not at stake by giving birth, leaving my newborn, son and husband with a mother and wife. That was my husband's main concern!

The problem that I feel now is that I am so frightened at every little kink, discharge, cramp, etc! Everytime a urinate (alot), I check for blood! My son was born when I was a healthy young person and I forget all the first-trimester symptoms, except morning sickness. The same morning sickness that led to our pregnancy test! I am frightened that I will worry myself into miscarriage and that I am looking at this through medical eyes, rather than a pregnant mother. I cannot get out of this rut and I know that no pregnancy is the same and no outcome is the same regardless of who the person is. There are many risks for every woman, but, with my condition, I am scared to DEATH!

My husband is so excited, even though he was happy to not have a baby due to our age difference, and I do not want to let him down, but there are these thoughts in the back of my mind that are unsettling and I can talk to him about anything and he has been my angel as we forged through my illness and SEVEN brain surgeries, always my advocate and protector! I am afraid when he hugs me too tight!

I am being ridiculous, I know! I wish I could relax and enjoy! I have to give it up to god but I am having a hard time with that.

Time will tell, I guess.