Newbie

Okay i am so new to this blog thing. And i never really did a journal. So, i guess ill give it a try.
I been wanting to be a mother for awhile now. Me and my partner have been tring for 2 years to get pregnant. I have irregular menstrul cycles so its hard for me to do a calendar or anything. And if it is MIA i wont know if im pregnant or not.
It sucks it makes me sad, angery, and scared that i might never be able to be called a mother. And i think im obbsessed with it because it is always on my mine. I keep asking myself WHY? Why cant it be easier for me? Why cant i be a mother? Why?
I cry my self to sleep some night because i want a child. Well, I think i might be. I have had all the symptoms and i am 2 weeks late. But i am so afraid to take a home pregnancy test i dont want to be heart broken agian. Dear lord please give me a baby.
Well, i hope this blog thing works out because i dont really have anyone to talk about this stuff with. Besides my partner but he really doesnt understand it.