Our Honeymoon Suprise

When, at 4 weeks, I did the test "just to see", I didn't really expect you. I'm 23 and just feel so unprepared. I still do not feel excited and the happiness I should at 7 weeks, even if I had about 3-4 weeks to get used to the news by now. I feel unprepared and scared. Am I the only one out there not really happy about this?
Your daddy is super excited about you and he is a legend by any account. He helps me and loves me and takes such good care of me. If not for him I would have lost it by now! He makes the whole ordeal worth it. I can never tell him how I feel; he would feel betrayed and hurt. He has wanted to be a daddy for so long.
But I just cannot see the happy ending, the silver lining. I'm tired and hungry all the time and my boobs hurt really badly. I can see the scale already starting to tip. I just think about the pain and the problems, I really cannot get past the birth and the pain and my body which will never be the same again thank you very much.
It's hard and I cannot tell anyone. I feel I just want to run away and scream and everyone expects me to be so happy and excited. I just cannot get there right now.
I was preparing myself for a few years with just your dad and me. Going away on spontaneous holidays and eating out whenever we wanted. A few years of being completely selfish and sleeping late and going out with friends.

I will be the best mother in the world, I promise.

I just need to get used to this.

I really hope I do.