Pregnancy in older moms

Its really hard to find information or sites for older moms who are expecting unexpectedly.....
Everything I can find relates to coupes or moms who chose to wait until later in life to start a family or who are dealing with fertility issues.

I did not feel comfortable joining these sites because most of them are or have had a very hard time with trying to become pregnant etc.

We already have two girls ages 19(20 in Oct ths yr and in college) 17(18 in March) and our youngest is ten(11 in Feb). ( He was we thought our late in life suprise!)

Im here because my birth control failed......not to say that I dont want this child,but,I was on Birth Control because I/we didnt want to get pregnant again.

I had very mixed feelings in the beginning, I was devastated, depressed, overwhelmed, I cried for the first two weeks after we found out.

I felt I was at a point in my life, a turning point that is, to do something different and had been actively looking at different options.
I had for the most part been a stay at home mom, we rarely left the kids with sitters (3-4 times in all)
I really felt and stil feel unsure about starting over again.
I have arthritis in my feet and back, not good when trying to keep up with babies and toddlers, I have heart problems that just keep me fatigued.
I looked forward to this next phase of our lives, of having time to enjoy things we had given up, to spend time with our grown and growing chidren, uninterrupted time with each other etc.

I cried for the baby, for myself,for the time that raising another child would take away from my older kids...(we have as a family had a very rough 10 yrs, that has been full of crisis after crisis,and has been very hard on the kids and has taken away alot of their childhood.Things were just starting to smooth out when both my husband and I were laid off last year which is another reason for my anxiety.

Ive moved past the depression and anxiety, to acceptance, I dont yet think I am excited as I am still very scared that I wont have the energy needed to do this which to me would be unfair to this child. So I am working on that aspect.

It is amazing to see things that are now available that were not yet available even 10 yrs ago. I really like having the day by day week by week calendar.

I know I will be excited in time and have no doubt I wil love this child as much as my other children. It is just such a shock when you reach a point in your life where you are looking forward to grandbabies and find out you are not yet done being a mom...........