So, where to begin, basically, here I am, 3 monthes pregnant, and alone. You would think, after 2 failed marriges with three older kids in tow I would have learned my lesson. I am not stupid. I am smart and successful, as a personal trainer. I have my own home a paid for vehicle, and 3 beautiful children,Alicia,15 India, 10, and Gavin 6. They are wonderful beautiful children. But here I sit, alone and pregnant again, you may ask, what anidiot how could she let this happen,truth is I wonder that myself. When I met A I thought I had finally met my soul mate. I have never felt so srongly about anyone or anything in my life. He was my heart and soul, he was also, 24 and recently back from Iraq, a frequent steroid user, but we worked through these things or so I thought. I tried to be his healer, once again, new better but did it anyway, no matter how much you know somthing is not right it is amazing, that the heart always speaks louder. And now, He is gone, mind you only a half mile away at his parents but, it could be states, I am scared shitless, angry at myself, and heartbroken. Can I seriously do this??? I am so worried for my children. Worried i will not be able to do my job, My emotions are so crazy right now, one second I am super woman, the next on the floor in a ball sobbing my eyes out. But I am here to say, today is ther day I start over. I am letting a go and not looking back.... my focus now must be on the future , not the past. I heard someone say once that their are no such things as mistakes only lessons, maybe it is about time I learn mine. I just pray, that the pain will ease. I am hoping writing out the daily trials and tribulations of my days, the highs and lows, will help me heal, laugh cry, and give me somthing to learn from down the road.