Who knew the whole idea of giving birth could get so stressful? When I first found out I was pregnant, I just figured I'd give birth on base with all the drugs they had in their repertoire. I knew that the hospital there had a bad reputation, but that was what everyone I knew who had given birth in this town had done.
Then I started reading up more on the side effects of epidurals and other drugs, and decided that was not for me. I also started reading about how hospitals (especially really backwards ones like the one on base!) are not supportive of natural birth. That was what led me to home birth and water births (although I had several websites on water birth bookmarked from when we were TTC).
Now that we're here, there's the issue of money. I just don't like the idea of having to pay a midwife $2000 when I want to do this birth myself. We planned on telling her to just stay out of things unless we needed her (nicely of course, LOL!) and also that I didn't want her to use any herbal tinctures on me.
So just to have her in the same house, we'd be paying $2000. Just doesn't seem right to me. We did a little more digging around, and unearthed this birthing center that is covered by our insurance, because it operates under an OB but employs certified nurse midwives.
It sounds really, really nice... very calm and serene, natural-birth oriented, has a jacuzzi that you can labor (but not birth) in. The only bad thing is it's 45 minutes away, so I'd have to ride in the car for that long while I was contracting. Neither of these things is 100% what I want.
I thought an unassisted birth was what I wanted, but then I started thinking about what IF something happened to the baby. Even if I knew I had tried everything in my power to keep him safe, I would never be able to forgive myself. There'd always be a doubt in my mind that maybe, just maybe, he would've been safe if I'd had a midwife or OB around. And that's just not worth it to me.
So basically, I just keep going around and around in circles wondering what I want to do. I called up to the birthing center and we're going in for a tour on Tuesday. I hope we like it! I like the fact that they have a free Baby and Me support group for moms who give birth there, as well as a lactation consultant who you can continue to work with once you're discharged.
Anyway, I guess when it gets closer to the time I'll know. The only thing is, I'll have to have an answer for my midwife soon!
I called MAPS (our old adoption agency) today to find out the details of what it would take to get back into their program again. They were so nice (I really like Jenny) and she said that since we were in the process so recently, it would be a lot cheaper for us this time around. A lot of the early fees would be waived so that our only real big expense would be the referral fee and travel.
And since my relatives live there, we could just crash with them like we were planning to do last time so there would be no living expenses (food and shopping there are really, really cheap). Jenny said we would need to wait to update our home study till this little guy was 6 months old, which would put us right at April, which was what we wanted to do anyway.
It's looking like it'll be really easy to get back into it, which is such a relief. There will still be a paper chase, but it won't be nearly as painful as it was last time when everything was new! Gosh, now we have to decide if we want to stick with India or go with a domestic minority adoption.
We know this isn't our last adoption, so it's not that big a deal but still. Such big decisions! I'm excited. I think I'll start slowly on the paper chase after the holidays. I know it's going to take me much longer this time than it did last time!