Surprise!!!

Hello out there! I just found out 2 days ago that I am pregnant, probably only 4 weeks along. My life is a roller coaster and at a time where you'd think you would be crying or celebrating, I sit here almost in a comotosed trance, shell shocked. The thing is, I want another child. I love the 2 that I have now (15 years old and an almost 2 year old), but just 2 months ago I was assaulted by my son's father in a major domestic violence attack. He is gone now, far away from us, and this new child is NOT his...

I am a smart woman, master's degree and all...haha. However, since I was a teenager my choice in men is a cycle of stupidity...each and every one of them are clones of each other and I cannot stop or detour when I see a loser coming!! This new babe's dad?...has to go to jail for 6 months (see told ya!) and I am in love with his family, but not him. His sister and I decided to not tell him until he is behind the bars so not to spark a drinking frenzy and hateful blame from him. We are all worried about him, but when I do tell him I don't want him to think that just because I am having his baby means that we are going to be together. Ya know? I still know that I have a knight out there that I haven't yet given up to chance, I want to be father 3's friend...he will not take this well though...

So, the baby is only 1/100inch and already has a spinal cord. The amazing miracle of pregnancy and birth fills me with hope and a future of something that I know how to do--be a mom. I just wish that today I could cry..I am numb. I just wish that I knew everything inside there is ok..today I don't feel like I felt yesterday, is the baby still forming? I just wish that I could fast forward like 6 months and see the new babe's face on a 3D ultrasound. I am beyond surprised but cannot show it, I haven't told the people in my life that matter the most to me, I am out here in Colorado, all alone (well, I have my new "sister" and 2 other good friends) but no family, mom or dad, friends I left back in Arkansas for a new start...

Therefore, YOU have become my new friends and I will confide in YOU everyday. I will let you know the "juicy" stuff, I will let you know EXACTLY what's going on with the pregnancy and with the relationships in my life. So, are you ready to go for a ride? Keep all hands and feet inside the cart until the ride comes to a complete stop...here we go...