Appreciate who they are. Every child deserves at least one person who is 110% on their side.
Intervene before your own feelings get out of hand. Take care of yourself so you aren't venting on your kids. Stay calm, so you can access your own innate wisdom and generosity.
Empathize with feelings (including the feelings they have about the limits you set). Both are important, neither by itself is successful.
Whatever your child does, it will be a lot easier for you to respond productively if you avoid getting hooked. Cultivate a sense of humor.
Be reasonable, they're kids. Don't expect perfection, from your kids or yourself, and keep your priorities straight. Your child is taking shape before your very eyes. Her messy room matters much less than how she treats her little brother.
No one wins a power struggle. Don't insist on being right. Help them save face.
Make sure your kids' basic needs are met, and let kids know in advance the behavior you expect. Then hold them accountable.
From infancy on, every child is unique. Listen more than you talk. Listen with your heart. When in doubt, see it from her point of view.
What worked yesterday will not work tomorrow, so your parenting strategies need to evolve as your kids do. Each of us seems to get the perfect child to learn whatever we need to know!
Because resorting to power plays erodes the relationship. The deepest reason kids cooperate is that they love you and want to please you. Above all, safeguard the relationship.
Dr. Laura Markham