The journey continues…
Walking into a hospital or doctor’s office has never been pleasant for me. I have never been one who is excited to see my doctor. Not that anything has ever been wrong up until now it’s just I feel that I am conditioned to hate the doctor, dentist, emergency room, etc. Today I felt different. I knew I wasn’t going to get my answers today but it was the first step to motherhood.
After meeting with my doctor and talking about all the possibilities of things that could be an issue and the reason I am miscarrying, in an odd way, I felt more comfortable. Obviously I am able to conceive. My husband’s numbers are higher than the average men his age, which talk about an ego boost. We have the ground work to start having children. Everything the doctor brought up was minor for me in the terms of a remedy. The only thing that scared me was if I or my husband were to have a chromosome abnormality. This is not something the doctor is able to fix. It is just luck of the draw when one of our little ones would make it. So here I went 16 vials of blood to get some answers.
1 week later I get a call from my doctor and all the results are in except my chromosome test. The one I am most truly scared about. I was advised that I have mild case of Factor Five Leiden Heterozygous. Factor Five Leiden is a blood clotting disorder that was passed down on my mother’s side. The moment I heard the news I cried. I was neither happy nor sad I just felt like it was confirmed that I was the problem, it’s my fault, and that I was a failure. The doctor advised me that I would need to be on a baby aspirin regimen and when we did conceive I would have to notify the high risk team for constant monitoring and figure out my dosage and frequency of the anticoagulant I would need to be on.
I went home that evening and my husband and I discussed all the details regarding conceiving with Factor Five Leiden and the long term effects of having a blood clotting disorder for my health. Everything we studied about this disorder was small issues in my mind but why was I still crying over it? Why was I so hurt? I still don’t know the answer to that. After a lot of discussions with family I not only came to except it but I now feel blessed that it’s not so much worse. I began to look on the bright side, I can become pregnant and the constant monitoring will catch any sign of trouble right away. I am able to become closer to my doctors and the baby team then most do throughout pregnancy. The best part is my husband and I have a HUGE support system with people who love and care about us.
Now four weeks after my workup, I am heading in for an ultrasound. This I am not worried about. I have had so many ultrasounds during pregnancy, while miscarrying, afterwards that I feel confident. But I can say with certainty that I am not excited to have to wait to use the restroom. You would think by now there would be a better way. But holding my bladder is just a small price to pay to head down that path of motherhood. I still have not received the results of my chromosome test and trying to be patient is so hard but hopefully I will hear good news on that soon.
These losses, this journey, the goods and bads of life have not only made me a stronger person but as a couple my husbands and I could not be closer. I really do want to thank the people who have supported us during these times but also all the people who took the time to read this blog both through pregnancy.org but also through Facebook.
Next week we will have the results of the ultrasound and hopefully the chromosome test! Maybe we can get a plan set in motion.
Till next week…