The Second Time Around

I don't know what to feel right now. I am hoping this really is a private blog that only I can see. I need smewhere to write everything out. I am happy, nervous, excited, scared, terrified, hopeful, and everything else. I am annoyed.

We were planning on trying to have another child, just not exactly soo soon. Paul tells me I shouldn't call it a surprise because everyone assumes that means accident. And it isn't an accident. But it was a surprise. He sees no difference in the words. He doesn't see a difference in a lot of words.

I took the pregnancy test on March 21 and got two lines, one was very faint, hardly visable, but I saw it. Paul said it wasn't there. So, I took another test on March 22. He told me I was being obsessive. This time there were definately two lines, the one was still faint, but darker. It came up when I took a picture of it. I knew I wasn't dreaming, but was in shock anyway. I know what possesd me to test: missing period, random nausea, dizziness, and fatigue. Plus I was emotional and peeing all the time.

I called my ob/gyn's office on March 23, went in on the 24th for a blood draw, got the results on the 25th (hcg 169, progesterone 30.2), went back in on the 26th for another draw, and got those results yesterday (hcg 382). I did all this with my toddler. He was sooo good. I couldn't have asked for him to be better. So, I am definitely pregnant here. My last period was Valentine's Day. I have wacky cycles. My first appointment is April 21 unless I change it. They're esimating I'll be 8 weeks then.

They've switched my medications to Labetatlol 200 mg twice a day and a prenantal vitamin (OTC at this point). I have to do my 24 hr urine test for my nephrologist. I'll have to do it next week because I screwed it up tonight by not having another bottle. It stinks because I had a really good feeling about this test. Looks like we'll have to go to the hospital for supplies today. It figures because we are supposed to get Snow. Heavy, wet snow mixed with sleet.

I am starting to feel better as I write. Less stressed for the time being. My sister-in-law is going to be 15 wks on Sunday. I am pretty sure mil is going to flip out on us. We dont make enough money as it is to support one child in her opinion how are we going to support two? She and I have many differences. A lot of them. I never feel like I am a parent when she is here because she is constantly questioning me, tell me I should be doing something else. Paul isn't much help because he believes most of the things his mom says are true (afterall she raised him).

My emotions are better today, it is all starting to sink in and I am cautiously happy and hopeful. I think this baby is a girl. The name Elizabeth keeps floating through my mind.