Ah, how I missed the roller coaster ride of hormones that comes with pregnancy. Yesterday I couldn't have been more excited, yet today I'm a ball of stress on the verge of tears. Where are we going to get the extra money for another mouth to feed? How am I going to keep working at the veterinary hospital where chemo and x-rays are a part of my daily routine? How will I deal with a 15 month old and a newborn at the same time?
I've been sitting here staring at Jordan in his walker, as he keeps rolling up to the fan and pulling it over. CRASH! Then he laughs and waits for me to pick it up so he can do it over again. I'm in love with being a mom; I'm terrified of adding another little one to the family. What if I don't have the patience? What if we can't afford another baby? Who will we have babysit? What if we forget about our couple time and intimacy?
All of these questions keep running through my head and my eyes fill up with tears - then JJ looks up at me and gives me one of his famous toothless grins and I don't know how I even question whether or not we'll be okay.
"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."
-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.