Too Many Questions!

heathur12's picture

I feel like crying. Steven and I need to have a discussion so bad. I don't feel comfortable going into this not knowing what he's planning on doing and how he is going to do it. This entire experience has changed me, and every ounce of love I have is for Landon now. Everything I have is going to go to him. Every dollar I make. Every free second I get. I'm not sure whether or not he even cares about Landon. I sure am hoping so. Maybe that will at least hit him when he's born. We'll see. But I do wanna know what he would do in certain situations. When I'm ready to do something such as move... I wanna do it. Greensboro isn't the safest place for Landon to grow up. I am looking for apartments there while I'm in school. I'm going to make sure they're in nice communities though.

I had a great idea today, but I'm not sure about it yet. First of all I AM going to take summer classes and graduate as soon as possible. It sucks that I have to rush through what should be the best years of my life. The still will be though, because I'll have my baby. Anyway my last semester I may still try to go to Australia. The more I think about the... the more sense it makes. Why couldn't I just take Landon with me? And the more I look at pictures and read about it and experiences there.... the more I wanna completely move there. He would have the beach, he'd be in the city, he'd have allll of that culture around him. I'm sure that would be great for him! The chances of him having SOME kinda artistic ability/passion is pretty great. I mean Steve is like a musical God. Well maybe not that far, but he loves it A LOT. I'm the same way! I don't have like some amazing talent for it like Steve does, but it is a big part of my life. My passion/talent is art art. I mean I am an art major. And as much as I wanna be modest.... I'm not bad at what I do. So I'm thinking growing up somewhere with all of that stuff is great! In Sydney there's all the art museums and all the festivals and the opera house! (did I mention the beach?) It just makes sense to me. It makes sense to do it for me and for him. I'm just not sure how Steve would feel. Hey! Maybe him and his gf/whoever he ends up with can come out there and visit! Free trip to Australia pretty much. Who'd pass that up? lol

I guess I should go to sleep. I'm only going to get three hours as it is. I'm moving to Gboro tomorrow!!!! I hope my roommate doesn't freak over the pregnancy thing.... I'm gonna wait to tell her though. And see how she is. If I know she'll freak I'm just gonna switch and not even mention it. I'm pretty great and judging character, and I know it's bad to go by first impressions, but 9 times outta 10 I'm right. We'll see. So far it doesn't look hopeful from what I've seen of her facebook and stuff.