Tristine's Triumph -- Entry 22

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December 26

Over the last two days, I have been feeling something odd. I saw my doctor today so I talked to him about this new feeling because it reminds me of the feeling I had when Gabe was delivered. I don't feel much pain but I feel an odd (perhaps a lump) sitting in me. The sensation is almost as if the baby could fall out.

Of course, I know that our little one won't be falling out with two stitches in. The doctor said the cerclages look good and my cervix felt firm. He said it could be that I am just feeling the weight of the baby. I go in to have an ultrasound in two weeks.

My husband and I have been doing our best not to argue with each other. I have even noticed that he hasn't been venting so much as he has been talking about things. Maybe he finally let out all that pent-up emotion. Maybe the vacation from work has helped him feel more human. Whatever the case, I am just glad that things have settled enough so we can enjoy the holidays.

With the passing of Christmas and the New Year coming up quick, I have had to stop for a moment and brace myself for Gabriel's upcoming anniversary date. On January 3rd, two years would have passed since his birth. It makes me a little sad to think that we could have had a child close to my nephew's age to enjoy the holidays with.

Had Gabriel been born on his due date instead of months earlier, would I even be pregnant with this little babe? It is hard to say; yet I cannot help wonder about the "What Ifs".