Tristine's Triumph -- Entry 24

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January 4

I think I have been getting used to the roller coaster ride. But I also feel things settling down on the home front some. My in-laws have been wonderful to help me out and my husband has seemed in a way better mood. I am sure the passing of Gabriel's anniversary has helped to settle me down as well.

Yesterday was the 2nd year anniversary for the birth of our sweet angel. I had been so busy with the holidays that I didn't let myself feel any emotion until I crawled into bed Wednesday night. The thought of Gabe's passing popped into my head and I instantly started crying. I feared that I would wake up in the middle of the night feeling contractions. I finally was able to calm myself down after letting out the tears and went to sleep.

Yesterday was a day for reflection. Looking back, I see the road I have traveled since that unfortunate day. I have come a long way in my healing. Two years ago, I was sitting at home sobbing hysterically. One year ago, we scattered his ashes and I shed more tears. And even though it is Gabe's special birthday, I cannot help but to remember my other angels. I still mourn for their loss as well.

As for the cerclage, I think I am starting to feel more pressure. I called my doc's office today because I have been noticing a constant ache, and later on today, my lower back started feeling achy. It increased when I was walking around so I lay down for couple hours. It didn't go away but it wasn't getting any worse. I called my doctor's office again and they asked me to come in for an exam. They looked at the stitch and he said things looked fine. Cervix is thick and closed. They took a urine sample and put me on a stool softener. Over the weekend I am to stay off my feet for at least 8 hrs a day. I go back Wednesday for an ultrasound and another exam.

Thankfully my husband understands the need for me to take it easy so I am sure he will be more helpful to me this weekend.

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