Tristine's Triumph -- Entry One

Read All of Tristine's Triumph

September 29

It sure is a good day for my husband to get called into work. As soon as he goes to work this morning, I must run to the drug store and pick up an el-cheapo brand home pregnancy test. I know I have to test before I give it another thought.

Aunt Flo should be here today but she has not arrived yet and I have this gut feeling that she won't arrive. I know I should not listen to my gut instinct because it has told me I was pregnant before when I saw nothing but two negative pregnancy tests. But something has felt different. I cannot describe it, but I just feel different. I know we were not even trying but I must have ovulated late or something.

Gosh, I am nervous. The last test I took shown negative for pregnancy. Am I ready for another disappointment? Am I ready for another surprise positive?

Six pregnancies in 5 years of marriage, and we still do not hear the pitter-patter of little feet in our home sweet home. Only the tears of grief for five first trimester miscarriages, including one ectopic pregnancy, and our precious son who was born too early at 20 weeks due to incompetent cervix. There has got to be something going on which is more then just rotten luck.

I know that if I test positive I will have to make arrangements quickly to get my recent immune testing results over to my OB-GYN. Lupus Anticoagulants is what the specialist said I tested positive for. I wonder if his secondary tests will show the same results? I don't care if it means I have to give myself shots daily...so long as I can carry to term, I am willing to try anything. I already have to brace myself for the cerclage with the incompetent cervix. The shot will just be automatic, like preparing for bedrest. It just is what I have to do.

Okay, I better go get the test before I chicken out.