Who woulda thought TTC would be this hard?

I spent years and years trying to be careful to prevent pregnancy and now I can't even get pregnant!
Funny how that works...
My first entry and I'll lay our the details of my journey so far:

When I was 19 I had severe period cramps and struggled with lots of pain. They suspected endemetriosis. I had an ultrasound done when and they determined it looked as if I had a partial septate uterus, but they wouldn't fully examine the extent of it until I was looking to have kids. I also have Rh- blood, which isn't a factor in getting pregnant only staying pregnant I'm told.

So fast forward 5 years... I got married on August 11, 2008. (I'm 24 now) My DH has always wanted a large family, and loves kids. During our dating stages I told him that the doctor told me it will be difficult for me to get pregnant, but my DH is such an optimist he wouldn't accept that. Now 8 months later here we are. I say 8 months because we started offically TTC in July before the wedding only because I thought it might take some time.

Ideally I wanted to wait a year before having children but I feared that if we waited a year to start trying and then it took another year or two to get pregnant I would already be 27 and maybe good for one more. My DH wants 5+ kids so thats def. a problem if I started at 27. I've always wanted 2 kids, but we have compromised with 3 if we are blessed enough to be able to choose. Since right now we would be thankful and happy to just have one.

DH and I have never used contraception, well of course in the very beginning of our relationship. But I havent been on birth control in years. We just tracked my fertile days and used protection on those days, then we got lazier and he would just pull out on x days. So leading up to our marriage I already suspected it wouldn't be easy getting pregnant.

February I went in for my first doctors appointment regarding fertility. I found out I needed a rubella shot. I am appartently amoung the 10% that the shot needs to be repeated. I had the shot when I was younger. Sad And after I got the rubella shot, we couldn't start trying to get pregnant again for a month. Then I had an HSG appointment scheduled on February 21st.

That appointment was touture. It was the worst pain I've felt in my entire life. I would have rather been shot in the arm then go through that again. The radiologist couldn't get through my cervix so they had my gyno come down and get it through. When the ballon blew up I was ready to jump of the table. On a scale of 1-10. That was a 10! My gyno ended up telling me the pain was so severe for me compared to others because only 1/2 of my uterus filled with the die so it was a lot of pressure in a small space. The results showed the dye only in 1/2 of my uterus and only going to one of my tubes.

She scheduled an MRI and I just had that done last friday. My appointment to sit down and talk about those results are on monday. I'm terrified of what she might say or what was found.

I was excited about the HSG, hoping I'd check out fine and the dye might clear out some blockages making it easier to get pregnant. Now I'm not so excited about any tests or results. After the HSG I cried and felt worthless. I know my DH wants children so bad and I kept feeling like a failure if I couldn't give him a biological child of his own. He wont living a fullfilling life without being a father, and he's said if we can't get pregnant we'd adobt. But I think I'd still feel like a faliure because I know how much he wants kids and wants a large family. Its really sad and I'm still coping with these feelings.

I just want to start trying again. I don't know what the doctor is gonna say monday but I'm very scared and nervous.