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Yes, it has been 2 weeks since my last entry. I am here now because so many feeling have been bottling up inside of me. It has been a really bad 2 weeks for me. I have fallen into depressions before but nothing like this. I haven't been able to shake it at all.

What a week this has been. I am back in touch with a wonderful friend of mine. Her daughter is 9-months older than Emilee. They have been playing wonderfully together. My friend is (besides DH) the only person in my life that has ever made me feel like I could do things.

Well it seems that “journey to the top” has some major bumps in it. AF arrived this week. The disappointment, hurt, and anger was worse than ever. Jim even admitted he was very disappointed this time.

In the process of doing research for my thyroid appointment, I found out that I have what is called a luteal phase defect. A normal luteal phase is supposed to be 13-15 days long. My LP’s are averaging 9-12 days long.

I got some good news today: My thyroid levels are okay! Not in the best spot for TTC, but they are within normal range. This means my OB doesn't have any excuse for not helping me! Why am I so nervous about tomorrow?

Okay, let's see how well I can type while the tears are coming at full force. Don't think I have to say one reason why I am crying. Yep, CD 1. I started spotting this afternoon. You would think it wouldn't affect me as much right now because we were taking a break this month. With my re-appointment coming up we thought we would relax this month. So, why did I still get my hopes up?

This has been an indescribable week. On Tuesday, April 22nd, Emilee and I came downstairs to find that my Mother-in-Law had passed away in her sleep. It was a huge shock to us all. There was no warning, no time to say goodbye. Jim took it so hard that morning.

Do you have any idea what it is like to be given the first bit of hope you've had in months? Well, let me tell you it is an amazing feeling. I feel like after last week, this week, I am floating on air. Guess you want to know what this is all about, huh.

I went for my first set of blood tests today. I also found out how we go about Jim's test too. Now just waiting on AF to show so we can get the HSG set up. It is a test I am looking forward to but not also.

It has been two weeks since my last entry. I never seem to have the time to sit down and write like I should. Between my ever challenging daughter, doctor appointments, work around the house...and well...everything these days, I never have the time.

Wow! What a week it has been. As I wrote last week, we had our follow up appointment with the RE on Tuesday. The smile has not left my face since then. All of our test results came back normal except for the blocked tube on the HSG.

Today is a day I have been dreading for months. A day that should be filled with joy. Instead, it is a day that will forever be etched in my mind in a way far different then it should be.

So here I sit. Months have gone by and I have not written. After writing my entry on my due date I just lost all goals for writing. There were just too many thoughts and happenings. Too many to put into words. It sounds like an excuse and it probably is. I guess I was just overwhelmed with it all.