This last month has been a total whirlwind. I'm finally able to sit here and recall the last moments of a beautiful, albeit hard journey in my life and to write them down, to remember forever what it was like the last weeks I was pregnant with my precious twin daughters.
It all started with Emilee getting sick mid September. Long story short, she ended up being hospitalized on September 28th. After all the stress that night, I found I was getting my period. It was kind of the straw that broke the camels back. I just lost it.
It has been a hard day for me. A very emotional day. I got a reminder call yesterday from my OB's office reminding me of my appointment for Wednesday for an ultrasound. To me, this was so insensitive.
Okay, I have a confession to make. Dh and I are not preventing a pregnancy. I know that I ovulated on Sunday 10/27. I will admit that Dh and I did BD (had sex). I know the doctor told us to wait 2 cycles, but it is so hard to think of waiting.
I know I didn't write much last week. We were busy with … well, I don't know what! My Aunt and cousin were down this weekend. My cousin has had a lot of problems this past year. It was good to see him yet I was a little uncomfortable.
Okay, can I go crawl in a hole now? In the past week there has been about 5 or 6 new pregnancy announcements on my July 2k board. Don't get me wrong, I am happy as can be for them. Especially one in particular...
Boy have I missed writing in here for over a week. Our vacation was nice. It was so much fun to see all the kids together. Boy was the noise level in that house LOUD! Three 2-year-olds and a 7-year-old in one room can give anybody a headache.
Can I go back to bed now? Please? I feel so horrible. I have another head cold. AF started 2 days ago, and I am just so tired. I am not doing so well since AF decided to arrive. It wanted to play tricks on me again.
CD 7 CY 2(since m/c) -- Well, another month started. Dh better be ready for a marathon! I have to keep saying, "this is the month, this is the month." God, I so want it to be this month. I have been doing a bit better emotionally the past few days.
I am hoping I am ovulating. I seem to have lost my indicator. I am no longer getting the incredibly sharp ovulation pains. Other indicators look promising this week, though. Jim and I have been trying the "every other day" routine.
Well, here I am, waiting yet again for my period (AF) to arrive. I am so anxious. I want AF to just show up already if she is going to show. I think I will wait another 3 days till I go to test. God, how I hope this is it.
Here I sit on New Years Eve. It is 11:20 pm, Emilee is asleep, Jim is at work and I am alone. What a depressing way to welcome in the New Year isn't it? I think out of the 6 New Years Jim and I have been together, we have spent 2 with each other.
Well, today has been a good day. Jim and I made the standard resolution of eating healthier and trying to lose weight. I have battled being obese my whole life. I have tried so many things. Nothing has ever worked. Now with my Thyroid problem it makes it even harder to lose anything.
OMG! I am O'ing (ovulating)! This is the first time since the miscarriage. I haven't been getting the tell tale O pains that I have always got. Boy tonight did I get them. These pains have been the worst I have ever felt.
Yep, that's right CD 1. AF arrived this morning. I can't believe it. I thought we had gotten it this month. The excitement I had because I ovulated is gone -- it's replaced by the depression again.
It has been a busy week here. Sunday, after writing my entry, I ended up in unbearable pain. I went to stretch and the muscles in my upper back/neck just tightened up. All day it got worse. Monday morning Jim convinced me to go to the Doctors.
As I sit here preparing to write about my week it's snowing outside. We are preparing for a really bad storm. We have gone from total estimates of 6 inches up to 20-25 inches now! Seeing Emilee's excitement watching it fall makes me happy and sad -- happy that we are lucky enough to even have a child and sad that we haven't been able to have another.
Oh what a wonderful way to start the weekend off. AF is just about here. I have bright read spotting. The feelings of despair are beginning to creep in. Here comes the lovely depression. The self-pity.
Yes, it has been 2 weeks since my last entry. I am here now because so many feeling have been bottling up inside of me. It has been a really bad 2 weeks for me. I have fallen into depressions before but nothing like this. I haven't been able to shake it at all.
What a week this has been. I am back in touch with a wonderful friend of mine. Her daughter is 9-months older than Emilee. They have been playing wonderfully together. My friend is (besides DH) the only person in my life that has ever made me feel like I could do things.