Here I sit on New Years Eve. It is 11:20 pm, Emilee is asleep, Jim is at work and I am alone. What a depressing way to welcome in the New Year isn't it? I think out of the 6 New Years Jim and I have been together, we have spent 2 with each other.
Well, today has been a good day. Jim and I made the standard resolution of eating healthier and trying to lose weight. I have battled being obese my whole life. I have tried so many things. Nothing has ever worked. Now with my Thyroid problem it makes it even harder to lose anything.
OMG! I am O'ing (ovulating)! This is the first time since the miscarriage. I haven't been getting the tell tale O pains that I have always got. Boy tonight did I get them. These pains have been the worst I have ever felt.
It has been a busy week here. Sunday, after writing my entry, I ended up in unbearable pain. I went to stretch and the muscles in my upper back/neck just tightened up. All day it got worse. Monday morning Jim convinced me to go to the Doctors.
As I sit here preparing to write about my week it's snowing outside. We are preparing for a really bad storm. We have gone from total estimates of 6 inches up to 20-25 inches now! Seeing Emilee's excitement watching it fall makes me happy and sad -- happy that we are lucky enough to even have a child and sad that we haven't been able to have another.
Oh what a wonderful way to start the weekend off. AF is just about here. I have bright read spotting. The feelings of despair are beginning to creep in. Here comes the lovely depression. The self-pity.
Yes, it has been 2 weeks since my last entry. I am here now because so many feeling have been bottling up inside of me. It has been a really bad 2 weeks for me. I have fallen into depressions before but nothing like this. I haven't been able to shake it at all.
What a week this has been. I am back in touch with a wonderful friend of mine. Her daughter is 9-months older than Emilee. They have been playing wonderfully together. My friend is (besides DH) the only person in my life that has ever made me feel like I could do things.