So I'm really really pregnant. Baby is in the right spot, measuring the right size and has a heartbeat that we saw. I go back Aug 29th to hear the heartbeat, hopefully. Every twinge and ache I over analyze. I stare at the toilet paper looking for blood. It's been a whole lot of fun. However, I've had morning sickness. Like, bad. The doc put me on Zofran on Friday. I've had it for five days. Today is Wednesday, I wake up...and ..it's gone? Usually I can't wait to gobble that pill down and I even ate breakfast and I don't feel anything. Has me extremely worried.
I'm pregnant again. Found out Monday, July 30, 2012. My period was due on the 29th. I have had no spotting, but I have this weird pain in the site of my ectopic pregnancy. I've had the pain since the ectopic, but it's never been enough to make me seek a doctor. It's still not enough, over the counter pain meds take care of it, but I think since I'm pregnant, I'm super duper paranoid about it.
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow. Probably just blood work and maybe a papsmear.
My emotions are all over the place. I bust into tears for every little thing.
Still pregnant? I think so... I went to the doctor on Thursday and she did a papsmear. Said I would likely spot from it. She said my cervix was closed. Friday, I had no spotting, just like a clear discharge. Today? I'm fucking bleeding. Again! What the fuck?!?!?! I cried when Tim called me on his way home from work. I know everyone is sick of me. I'm sick of me. I keep thinking I'm okay with losing the baby, in fact I haven't even really thought of myself as "pregnant". But everytime I see blood, new emotions come in. Plus I'm moody as hell.
So this morning (January 25th) I woke up and had a streak of bright red blood when I wiped. I immediately called the doctor and left a vm for the nurse saying I had bleeding and I was cramping. I wasn't exactly cramping, but it still felt....different. She called me back, scheduled my appointment for a prenatal work up a day early so that's tomorrow and then Friday I'll have my ultra sound in Harbour View.
Well, I went to the doctor today. That was a big waste of time. All they did was take blood. I had SO many questions and not a single one got answered. They said they'll call me tomorrow and let me know what my HCG level is and they will go from there. One reading, unless it's seriously low, won't really tell them anything. Or maybe it'll be really high. HA. This is ridiculous. My boobs hurt so bad and I keep forgetting how sore they are and then I stretch or something and it hurts. Which sucks because it keeps reminding me that I'm having symptoms - and might not have a baby.
Ahhh, so here I am again. Writing on a blog because no one wants to hear me whine anymore. On the 1st of January, I had what I thought was implantation bleeding. I waited until the 5th to test and got a negative. I started my period on the 6th. My period usually lasts about 4 to 5 days, very heavy in the middle. Well, it lasted about that long but I had old blood for a long time afterwards. My BF decided we needed to do the BD, so we did, on Saturday the 14th. Monday, the 16th, I started to have a bit more coming out of me than I had been.
Well... I was just on here yesterday, spilling my guts. I decided to stop off at Rite Aid and buy some more pregnancy tests since my last one didn't get me a result. I took it - not pregnant. I was completely not ready for the swarm of emotions hitting me when I saw that. I started to cry immediately, then hate everyone, then get angry. All these other people get pregnant immediately following a chemical pregnancy, WHY haven't I? For that matter, why did I have a chemical pregnancy anyway, when everyone around me is pregnant? Why is this so hard for me?
Well.. my boyfriend and I have been TTC this month following my chemical pregnancy. I have never tracked my ovulation, but I'm pretty regular with AF and she hasn't showed up yet. Two days ago I was extremely sad - for no reason - so I assumed she'd be here by now. My emotions always go nuts right before I start. When I google things about chemical pregnancies (something I spend way too much time doing), most people return to their cycle just like they had had a "period" with their chemical. If I tracked mine that way, I should have started last week.
Last night, I started having this really weird pain. It was where cramps usually are, but it was a different pain than cramps. It hurt BAD, but it was a constant ache -not sharp pains or anything like that. I went to the bathroom and ...I think I finally passed my baby. I know this is gross, but I stared at it for a long time. It saddens me to think that I could have had a bouncing baby from that...material. I read all this stuff about chemical pregnancies and that it's really nobodies fault, but I feel like I failed.
So, last night .. I went to the bathroom and it seemed like my bleeding was slowing down. Yay! I was excited because I've been bleeding for a week now. I only bleed for 3-4 days on my period, so this has been quite annoying. However, then when I got up this morning, I'm back bleeding and it's a bunch. It's almost a period, still not quite as heavy but definitely heavier than yesterday. I wish this would hurry up. Every time I see the blood I'm reminded of the baby I could have had.