So,today i woke up feeling more centered than I have in a really long time. I realized literally "overnight' A is the best a he knows how to be and it is not enough for me. I truley am going to be o.k. I am going to go to church today, I am trying to take all this pain and agoney I have expierienced over the last couple monthes and find some positive I think it is a good time to strenghten my spiritual self. I still miss A very much, but I need to figure out why , he never even gave me anything???
O.k so A and I met to talk on thursday, he said he needs time to clear his head this is so overwhelming right now. I told him take the time, but he was either all in or out. H e said he would be in touch. So two days pass, nothing,I resolve once again, that i am strong enough to do this on my own, I cry, then paint the living room, and wake up feeling stonger. Then today his mother shows up on my doorstep, to tell me i need to stop thinking about my self!!!!! That love is patient and kind and I have no idea how hard this is on HIm, and her and his father and brother!!! Seriously!
So, where to begin, basically, here I am, 3 monthes pregnant, and alone. You would think, after 2 failed marriges with three older kids in tow I would have learned my lesson. I am not stupid. I am smart and successful, as a personal trainer. I have my own home a paid for vehicle, and 3 beautiful children,Alicia,15 India, 10, and Gavin 6. They are wonderful beautiful children. But here I sit, alone and pregnant again, you may ask, what anidiot how could she let this happen,truth is I wonder that myself. When I met A I thought I had finally met my soul mate.